Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 67681 раз)

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Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #202 : 17 августа 2018, 00:03:33 »
   
Impossible

          Private Biddles appeared in his unit at last late in the night, but without his truck he was supposed to drive.
     "Where is your truck?" shouted his commander.
          "It's in the forest about two milea from here, sir,' reported the driver.
          "Why didn't you bring it here?"
          "It's too dark to find all the parts, sir."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #201 : 13 августа 2018, 10:27:21 »
Hiccups

A Former Marine aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. His friend was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, they were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around them. Next, they lost the radio and most of the instruments. Then the left engine started coughing.

As they were being tossed around in the sky, pilot said, “Uh-oh!”

Fearing the worst, his friend asked, “What’s wrong now?”

The pilot replied, “I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me.

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #200 : 12 августа 2018, 00:16:13 »
Army Celebrity

     The password for tonight is "Byron" says the officer on the deck to the  guard commander.
     "By the way who that Byron fella was?"
     "Never heard about Byron, sir?" exclaims the officer on the deck in surprise. "He was the best craps shooter in our company."
     
     

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #199 : 01 августа 2018, 09:38:58 »
     I'm afraid I don't  exactly understand what you mean, DAS. What sense of relief is meant here? And who got the sense of relief?

Ann, the person, who wanted to buy the house, got the sense of relief after he had realised the building, which impeded the view of the country-side, was the powder plant.

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #198 : 25 июля 2018, 21:12:57 »
Hope that gave him a sense of relief!

     I'm afraid I don't  exactly understand what you mean, DAS. What sense of relief is meant here? And who got the sense of relief?

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #197 : 23 июля 2018, 14:50:41 »
Secret

A famous Admiral and an equally famous General were fishing together when a sudden storm hit. When it died down both renowned warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The Admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the General, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found out I can't swim I'd be disgraced."

"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #196 : 23 июля 2018, 14:43:13 »
Hope that gave him a sense of relief!

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #195 : 19 июля 2018, 22:47:32 »
There's Always Hope

     A man whished to buy a cottage in the country, but hesitated. "It's the ugly biulding in front that deters me," he said to the owner. "It impedes the view of the country side".
     "Well," said the owner. "May it not bother you. It is a powder plant. It may blow up at any moment."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #194 : 30 июня 2018, 23:46:42 »
Losses

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #193 : 03 июня 2018, 12:03:30 »
Military etiquette

        Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
        Soldier: Sure, buddy.
        Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
        Soldier: No, SIR!

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #192 : 31 мая 2018, 23:59:31 »
Killed two birds with one stone!

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #191 : 31 мая 2018, 19:46:03 »
Double Maneuver (Command Decision)

    The soldier was tired and sleepy from a long train ride in a miserable old-day coach. On top of this, two fussy old ladies were keeping him awake with arguments about a window. One wanted it closed and the other wanted it open. This fuss finally brought the conductor.
     "Conductor," said the one, "if that window is opened, I'll  just freeze to death."
     "And if it's kept closed," whined the other, "I'll suffocate."
     However much the conductor tried, he couldn't settle the argument and finally he turned to the GI for help.
     "It's you, soldier, who can help me. What would you do if it were a military problem?"
     "In the Army we handle such problems like a double-prong attack: open the window and freeze one of them, then close it and suffocate the other."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #190 : 27 мая 2018, 23:18:44 »
Worse Punishment?
        An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
        The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
        When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 40 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #189 : 26 мая 2018, 01:54:27 »
     
This is How Usurpers Grow up

 
     "Peter, why is your sister crying?"
     "I am eating my apple."
     "So what?"
     "I don't know. She was also crying when I was eating her apple, too."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #188 : 17 мая 2018, 16:57:51 »
   
Good and Bad

     The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: " Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Buford will be setting the race on our morning run."
    With this the platoon was overjoyed. Private Buford was overweight and so terribly slow that the run could become a treat with a leader like that. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:"Now for the bad news. Private Buford will be driving a car."

Ahaha! This was a good one, that was! Speaking about military justice and its predictability ...

 
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