Автор Тема: Short texts for reading  (Прочитано 775089 раз)

0 Пользователей и 3 Гостей просматривают эту тему.

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #192 : 01 июня 2014, 11:53:06 »
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.– Louis XIV  8)

Оффлайн Даша

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1205
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #191 : 29 мая 2014, 12:31:08 »
A lawyer and a doctor were on an extravagant fishing trip.
The lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down and everything I owned was burned. The insurance company paid a mint for everything I lost."
"Now that’s quite a coincidence," said the doctor, "I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said, "Really? How do you start a flood?"

Адвокат и врач были на роскошной рыбалке.
Адвокат сказал: "Я здесь, потому что мой дом сгорел и всё, чем я владел, сгорело. Страховая компания заплатила кучу денег за всё, что я потерял."
"Вот это совпадение," – сказал врач. – "Я здесь, потому что мой дом и все мои вещи были уничтожены наводнением, и моя страховая компания также заплатила за всё."
Адвокат выглядел немного озадаченным и сказал: "Правда? А как начать наводнение?"

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #190 : 27 мая 2014, 08:17:41 »
There was a man of Calcutta
Who spoke with a terrible stutter
At breakfast he said:
"Give me b-b-b- bread
And b-b-b-butter!"
There was a clever old miser who tries
Every method to e-co-no-mize.
He said with a wink
"I save gallons of ink
By simply not dotting my i's"
There was an Old Person of Fife,
Who was greatly disgusted with life;
They sang him a ballad,
And fed him a salad,
Which cured that Old Person of Fife.
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell in a basin of broth;
But a quick-witted cook
Fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared! —
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!"
There was a Young Lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean.
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
There was a young man of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When they said it was so
He replied, "Yes I know,
But I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can."
A pretty young teacher named Beauchamp
Said, "Those awful boys! How shall I teauchamp?
I try to look grave
But they will not behave
Though with tears in my eyes I beseauchamp."
There was an old Derry down Derry,
Who loved to see little folks merry;
So he made them a book,
And with laughter they shook
At the fun of that Derry down Derry.
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
There was never a sound
For miles around
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
There was a Young Person of Smyrna
Whose grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the cat,
and said 'Granny, burn that!
You incongruous old woman of Smyrna!'
A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way?
And returned on the previous night.
There was a great man from Japan,
Whose name on a Tuesday began;
It lasted through Sunday,
Till midnight on Monday
And sounded like stones in a can.

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #189 : 24 мая 2014, 11:41:41 »
мне тоже, а ещё хемингуэй классно и просто пишет)

Оффлайн Tessa

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1383
  • Every day is a new beginning.
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #188 : 22 мая 2014, 09:37:11 »
тексты Джерома мне больше всего нравятся! И смешно, и понятно!

Оффлайн АЛЁНА

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 4079
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #187 : 20 мая 2014, 06:49:24 »
In the Dark
(After J. K. Jerome)


Many years ago two friends, Joe and Tom, came to a small town. It was very dark when they came to a little inn. They asked for a room with two beds. The owner of the inn showed them a room and gave them a candle because there was no lamp in the room.
When they were going to the room the candle fell out of Joe's hand. It became very dark. They found the door of the room and went in.
They took off their clothes and went to bed. The bed was very big and by mistake1 they got into the same bed: Tom from one side and Joe from the other.
After a few minutes Joe said, "You know, Tom, there's a man in my bed. Here are his feet near my face."
"Yes, Joe, there's a man in my bed too. His feet are near my face too. What shall we do?"
"Let's push them off our beds."
And they began to push each other. After some time the two men fell on the floor.
"Joe!" cried Tom. "My man is stronger than I. He has pushed me down to the floor."
"I'm on the floor too," answered Joe. "I think we must go to the owner of the inn and tell him about it."

Оффлайн asdfg

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 5012
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #186 : 19 мая 2014, 11:00:54 »
Some Things You Just Can't Explain
 A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
 "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
 "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
 "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
 "And then?"
 "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
 The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
 "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
 "And then?"
 "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
 "Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
 "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
 "Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain :-X
we all have secrets...

Оффлайн АЛЁНА

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 4079
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #185 : 19 мая 2014, 07:01:44 »
A Clever Fisherman

A fisherman brought a very large fish to a rich man's house. The rich man asked the fisherman to name his price for the fish. "I don't want money," was the answer. "One hundred lashes on my back is the price of my fish. I won't take one lash less!"
The rich man was surprised and said, "Well, this fisherman is very strange, but we must have the fish. So let the price be paid."
After fifty lashes the fisherman cried, "Stop! Stop! I have a partner in my business and he must get his part, too." "Where can I find him?" asked the rich man.
"He's your own servant. He didn't want to let me come into your house till I promised to give him half of the price of the fish."

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #184 : 17 мая 2014, 21:12:39 »
The vision of mother appeared by my bed. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I spent our time listening. After all it was her day.

Оффлайн Даша

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1205
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #183 : 17 мая 2014, 10:10:39 »
A groom chose his pet dog as the best man for his wedding, reports the Metro.  Paul Nock told his new wife Kelly years ago that he wanted Scooby by his side on their big day.  The health and safety training organiser, from Hull, said, 'I was away working in Dubai when the wedding arrangements were made and didn't think she would let it happen.  But when we got into the register office I turned round and there he was walking up the aisle, with the rings tied around his neck.' The 27-year-old bride added: 'It was a wonderful surprise.'

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #182 : 15 мая 2014, 07:21:36 »
Purpose of Anecdotes

To Bring Cheer

Sometimes telling a story just makes people laugh or brightens the mood. In the example about favorite recipes, the woman is sharing a tale with her friends or coworkers about a time that she experienced a disaster in the kitchen. Whether she tried to boil an egg without water or made fudge that turned as hard as a rock, the other people are sure to have a good laugh.

Оффлайн Даша

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1205
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #181 : 14 мая 2014, 09:57:47 »
"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

Оффлайн Andy

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 410
  • Veni Vidi Vici
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #180 : 12 мая 2014, 07:18:08 »
Американский турист ходит с гидом по Лондону.
- Все тут у вас такое маленькое, зажатое, - говорит он. - Это здание, например,
было бы в Америке раз в десять выше.
- О, конечно, сэр! Это психиатрическая клиника.

Оффлайн yemi

  • Модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1518
  • Don't worry about a thing, 'cos every little......
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #179 : 12 мая 2014, 00:04:57 »
KID : Why some of your hair are white dad ?
DAD : Every time a son make his dad
unhappy , one of his father's hair turns white ....
KID : I now understand why grandpa's hairs are all white.

Deduction: Like father like son)))))! Ha ha ha!

Оффлайн Даша

  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 1205
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #178 : 11 мая 2014, 21:51:38 »
— Will you tell me your name?
— Will Knot.
— Why not?



— What do ghosts serve for dessert?
— Ice Scream

 
.