Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 67671 раз)

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #52 : 20 июля 2017, 16:55:06 »
     I am repeating this one because it still makes me smile.
     I liked your story about the bad marksman, too. Short and funny.

Oh yes! The joke about two extracted teeth has been one of the best so far!

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #51 : 12 июля 2017, 01:25:37 »
   
Didn't Make Any Difference

     Two GIs were recalling the events of the past day.
     "What did the sergeant say when you answered back?"
     "Nothing. And those two front teeth I wished to have extacted all the same."
     I am repeating this one because it still makes me smile.
     I liked your story about the bad marksman, too. Short and funny.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #50 : 10 июля 2017, 16:30:28 »
Shooting Practice

Sergeant instructor: "WAtch where you're shooting, man! You only just missed me."

Bad marksman: "Sorry, sergeant..."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #49 : 10 июля 2017, 16:29:09 »
     Who do you think he shot in the long run?

I suppose he should have been shot for being so stupid and hesitant)

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #48 : 08 июля 2017, 23:29:22 »
     Who do you think he shot in the long run?

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #47 : 08 июля 2017, 11:15:14 »
Dilemma

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders wereclear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, replied, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new
at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #46 : 06 июля 2017, 00:56:29 »
   
Didn't Make Any Difference

     Two GIs were recalling the events of the past day.
     "What did the sergeant say when you answered back?"
     "Nothing. And those two front teeth I wished to have extacted all the same."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #45 : 03 июля 2017, 23:26:48 »
Hangover at Sea

It was sheer brilliance. The ship’s operations officer entered 
the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Rather than move, he called the bridge: “Hey,” he said, “can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thanks.”

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #44 : 24 июня 2017, 10:21:44 »
Never Volunteer

During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had 
“artistic” abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the 
sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass … except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #43 : 19 июня 2017, 03:05:42 »
Never Lose A Tank
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #42 : 15 июня 2017, 23:24:43 »
Life and Fiction

     An Army truck driver was racing down the highway through the Arisons desert when he saw a living human skeleton who was crawling to the highway mutely gesticulating for help.
     The driver remarked:"Yes, I see another Western shot by Holliwood. Those soldiers at the time used to be really picturesque characters."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #41 : 15 июня 2017, 22:58:12 »
Loose Change

There were tons of vending machines on base, and as the supply sergeant, I was responsible for all of them. So I pulled in a private and had him count the money. An hour later, he was finished.

“Good,” I said. “What’s the count?”

He replied, “I have 210 quarters, 180 dimes and 35 nickels.”

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #40 : 13 июня 2017, 10:31:38 »
     Про "university  education"  –  очень смешно!
:good:

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #39 : 12 июня 2017, 01:07:43 »
     Про "university  education"  –  очень смешно!

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #38 : 12 июня 2017, 00:29:08 »
Fear Factor

I served in a parachute regiment. During a nighttime exercise, I was seated next to a young officer. He was looking a bit pale, so I asked, "Scared, lieutenant?"

"No," he replied. "Apprehensive."

"What’s the difference?"

"That means I’m scared, but with a university education."

 
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