Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 67704 раз)

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #187 : 17 мая 2018, 00:14:16 »
   
Good and Bad

     The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: " Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Buford will be setting the race on our morning run."
    With this the platoon was overjoyed. Private Buford was overweight and so terribly slow that the run could become a treat with a leader like that. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:"Now for the bad news. Private Buford will be driving a car."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #186 : 15 мая 2018, 23:57:56 »
Experience

        Shortly after joing the Army, some inductees were standing in a line when the sergeant stepped forward with day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and then asked, "Does anyone here have experience with radio communications?"
        A longtime ham radio operator, I shouted, "I do!"
        "Good," he said. "You can dig the hole for the new telephone pole.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #185 : 08 мая 2018, 21:10:59 »
     How come?

I used to be engaged in numerous activities without specific goals. The only purpose was to keep the soldiers busy.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #184 : 08 мая 2018, 00:18:13 »
Incredibly predictable, I would say.. I experienced it myself quite a number of times and learned it the hard way
     How come?

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #183 : 07 мая 2018, 11:00:07 »
Philosophy

        The Company Commander and the First Sergeant were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the First Sergeant said, "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
        The CO said, "I see millions of stars."
        1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
        CO: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
        1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #182 : 07 мая 2018, 10:55:19 »
  I should say in the Army it is at least more predictable.

Incredibly predictable, I would say.. I experienced it myself quite a number of times and learned it the hard way

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #181 : 05 мая 2018, 10:45:50 »
Justice in the Army

During training exercises, a lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he came across another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

As the lieutenant pulled alongside he asked, "Is your jeep stuck, sir?"

"No," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

     Justice is everywhere the same! I should say in the Army it is at least more predictable.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #180 : 25 апреля 2018, 19:11:24 »
Justice in the Army

During training exercises, a lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he came across another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

As the lieutenant pulled alongside he asked, "Is your jeep stuck, sir?"

"No," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #179 : 20 апреля 2018, 00:01:12 »
Unclassified

     A GI home on short leave was extremely unwilling to return to his unit so he had the cheek of calling his CO (commanding officer) on the phone to tell him that illness had caused a delay in his arrival.
     "I'm sick, sir," he said on the phone, "I have laryngitis."
     "Then why aren't you whispering, Nicholson?" asked the CO.
     "Why should I?" the soldier was surprised. "It ain't no military secret."



     

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #178 : 08 апреля 2018, 10:02:21 »
Camouflage

The sergeant-major shouted at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier."

The soldier replied, "Thank you very much, Sir."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #177 : 05 апреля 2018, 09:14:54 »
Disguise

A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress.
"Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."

"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."

"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."

The General interrupted again, "Private! Get me my brown pants..."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #176 : 05 апреля 2018, 09:09:06 »
Now Evident

     A soldier on leave swallowed his watch when drunk  and was rushed to the doctor who fluoroscoped him and showed him the X-ray photograph. The soldier cried out: "My God! I'm fifteen minutes late to the barracks".

In any situation - never forget about your duty!

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #175 : 03 апреля 2018, 23:45:08 »
Now Evident

     A soldier on leave swallowed his watch when drunk  and was rushed to the doctor who fluoroscoped him and showed him the X-ray photograph. The soldier cried out: "My God! I'm fifteen minutes late to the barracks".

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #174 : 21 марта 2018, 08:37:18 »
     What does this "baa" mean?

this is a sound produced by a little sheep

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #173 : 20 марта 2018, 23:19:41 »
     What does this "baa" mean?

 
.