Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 67708 раз)

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #37 : 07 июня 2017, 21:50:14 »
Based on Water

After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days, I went to the squadron command master chief to complain. "Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but for the past three months all I’ve seen is water."

"Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that. If you wanted to see the other quarter, you should have joined the Army."

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #36 : 01 июня 2017, 23:29:08 »
   
Being Always Right

     Private Larkins who had applied for transfer to the Military Police Corps was asked :"Why, Larkins, do you want to be a military policeman? How did you come to join the force?"
     "In civvy street ("гражданка") I was a grocery clerk and I've always wanted to be in business where it's the customer who is always wrong."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #35 : 24 мая 2017, 19:43:02 »
Bookworm

Having helped prepare the annual budget for my unit, I took the report to the office of the adjutant, who signs all official papers.

He gasped as I handed him the huge sheaf of charts, figures and explanations. "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked.

"You have to sign it, sir."

"Thank goodness," he said, sighing with relief. "I thought I had to read it.

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #34 : 22 мая 2017, 00:37:47 »
Suddenly his drill sergeant barked, "Hey, soldier! Give me 25 push-ups. And the next time your daddy wants your picture, you smile!"

     Couldn't agree more. Daddies should be respected by their sons.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #33 : 21 мая 2017, 02:30:58 »
Smile For the Camera

When my husband visited our son, Michael, at boot camp, he found him marching smartly with his unit. Michael’s father proudly approached the soldiers and began to snap photo after photo. Embarrassed and worried about getting into trouble, Michael looked straight ahead and didn’t change his expression.

Suddenly his drill sergeant barked, "Hey, soldier! Give me 25 push-ups. And the next time your daddy wants your picture, you smile!"

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #32 : 20 мая 2017, 22:34:36 »
Disadvantages of Goldbricking

     Private Wells, a notorious company gold brick, summed up his feelings as follows:"There's one thing only I don't like about doing nothing. You can't take a rest."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #31 : 13 мая 2017, 22:21:51 »
What Really Matters
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time, but that our semi–annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn’t seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #30 : 06 мая 2017, 18:59:57 »
How to Find a Foxhole

My gunnery sergeant and 
I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. “Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant?” I asked.

He snapped off a salute and 
responded, “I don’t know, sir!” 
Turning to the sergeant, he asked, “Gunnery, where is my foxhole?”

“You’re standing in it, sir,” said 
the sergeant. “All you have to do is remove the dirt.”

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #29 : 05 мая 2017, 00:04:09 »
   
Martial Music Lover

     An army brat told his father who was an Army vet sarge (sergeant}:
     "Daddy, I'd like to get a big drum. You told me you liked martial music."
     "Not at all," said his dad.
     "Don't you worry, daddy," consoled him his brat. "I'll beat the drum only while you are asleep."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #28 : 04 мая 2017, 22:55:39 »
        About the laziest man! How about trying the trick on our students, DAS?

Great Idea! We really should !

Moreover, I believe I can predict who will be the ones, reluctant to raise a hand

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #27 : 03 мая 2017, 00:39:02 »
        About the laziest man! How about trying the trick on our students, DAS?

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #26 : 01 мая 2017, 20:26:32 »
The Laziest Man

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here.
Put up your hand if you are the laziest."
24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man: "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #25 : 30 апреля 2017, 01:13:08 »
   
  Careful Driver

     The traffic MP (military police) was desperate. His tour of duty was almost over and he hadn't caught any military driver yet violating traffic rules. Just then an Army truck passed him and he started pursuing it on his motocycle. He followed the truck for about four miles without a single violation. At last he stopped the driver to congratulate him on his careful driving. Private Marlow looked at the MP with glazed eyes and said thickly:"When you are drunk you gotta drive carefully".

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #24 : 29 апреля 2017, 23:18:43 »
If You Need Something Done Wrong…

“Next time I send a damn fool, 
I'll go myself.”

—Sgt. Louis Cukela, reportedly said at the 
Battle of Belleau Wood during World War I

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #23 : 28 апреля 2017, 00:18:31 »
   
Zero Level Flight
     
       A traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer.
      "Was I driving too fast?" the pilot asked.
      "No, you were flying too low," commented the motor cop.

 
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