Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 4691 раз)

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #160 : 20 Февраль 2018, 20:23:00 »
Drop of Blood

The Congressman was delivering a windy speech of welcome to some soldiers back from the war.

"We are really one, my friends," he declared pompously, "in that we all love our country dearly and are willing to shed our last drop of blood for it."

"Did you ever notice," whispered one soldier to another," that those who are always shouting about shedding their last drop of blood are never the ones to shed the first?"


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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #159 : 14 Февраль 2018, 09:58:56 »
In a Military Hospital

     Patient:"But, doctor, are you sure I'll be better? I have heard of cases where the doctor has made a wrong diagnosis and treated someone of pneumonia who afterward died of typhoid fever."
     Doctor:"Nonsense! When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia."

 A real professional in his field !

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #158 : 13 Февраль 2018, 00:54:05 »
An Ultimatum

One soldier to another: "If you don't stop telling lies about me, I will start telling truth about you."
     Good answer! It could be used in civilian life, too.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #157 : 09 Февраль 2018, 22:03:45 »
An Ultimatum

One soldier to another: "If you don't stop telling lies about me, I will start telling truth about you."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #156 : 09 Февраль 2018, 00:19:46 »
In a Military Hospital

     Patient:"But, doctor, are you sure I'll be better? I have heard of cases where the doctor has made a wrong diagnosis and treated someone of pneumonia who afterward died of typhoid fever."
     Doctor:"Nonsense! When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #155 : 03 Февраль 2018, 13:09:35 »
Optimism and Pessimism

Flying instructors say that pilot trainees are divided into optimists and pessismists when reporting the amount of fuel during flights. Optimists report that their fuel tank is half full while pessimists say it's half empty.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #154 : 03 Февраль 2018, 12:59:11 »
Air Courage

     A very bashful young sergeant didn't dare to speak to a girl who was a passenger of the plane flying high in the air.
     At last he summoned his courage and asked: "Pardon, you are also flying in this plane?"

Some men sometimes feel awkward and say do ridiculous things due to embarassment.
Do you?

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #153 : 03 Февраль 2018, 01:30:00 »
Air Courage

     A very bashful young sergeant didn't dare to speak to a girl who was a passenger of the plane flying high in the air.
     At last he summoned his courage and asked: "Pardon, you are also flying in this plane?"

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #152 : 22 Январь 2018, 03:58:52 »
I used to know someone like that

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #151 : 21 Январь 2018, 22:28:07 »
     
One Lieutenant to Another

     "Is your wife economical?"
     "Sometimes. She had only twenty six candles on her fortieth birthday last night."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #150 : 15 Январь 2018, 23:10:02 »
Logic in the Army
"THis computer," says the efficiency expert, "will cut your work in half."

Private: "Good, I'll take two."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #149 : 13 Январь 2018, 19:32:55 »
 
        Rank Happy

     Two young lieutenants were discussing where they should go on Sunday.
     "I don't want to go to the city park," said one.  "Too many privates."
     "I guess the cinema is out, too," observed the other. "Too many privates."
     A private who happened to overhear them spoke up:"Excuse me, gentlemen, bur if you are looking for a place where there are no privates, why don't you go to hell?"

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #148 : 12 Январь 2018, 23:30:11 »
A Sense of Humour

The Colonel returned in a very good humour from lunch and called the whole staff to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but the private-secretary in the corner laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the brass hat. "Haven't you got a sense of humour?"
"I don't have to laugh," said the guy. "I'm leaving on Friday anyhow."


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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #147 : 08 Январь 2018, 20:06:33 »
Monkey
         

Whie the CO was on leave the regimental mascot, a chimpanzee, succumbed to old age and over-indulgence and died. The adjutant, uncertain how to proceed, sent the following wire to his colonel: "Monkey dead. Shall we replace it or wait till you come back?"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #146 : 07 Январь 2018, 00:11:00 »
Some people nowadays are so good at theory that they forget about practical implementation.