Тонкий английский юмор

[Марина]

да нет... там есть серии очень простые... просто, когда я учила язык, я всё время смотрела ток-шоу (для понимания "народного" разговорного) и такие вот сериалы (для классического языка)

[born to be wild]

не рассматривали возможность просмотра на Английском клубе замечательного сериала "Дживс и Вустер"? Там и английский прекрасный, и юмор - тонкий, и манеры, и психология...

Сериал хороший, но достаточно сложный для понимания....

[NLO]

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

How can that be translated?

[Марина]

не рассматривали возможность просмотра на Английском клубе замечательного сериала "Дживс и Вустер"? Там и английский прекрасный, и юмор - тонкий, и манеры, и психология...

[born to be wild]

Two Americans are talking. One asks: "What's the difference between capitalism and communism?"
 "That's easy" says the other one. "In capitalism man exploits man! In communism it is the other way around!"

[born to be wild]

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

[born to be wild]

At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American announced he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!'

[Mir]

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in a school play.
 "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"
 The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"
 The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

[born to be wild]

A True English Rose

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were named Emily, Maggie and Rose.

After approximately 14 hours, Emily staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, Maggie crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, Rose finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, 'I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.' 

[born to be wild]

Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife, "Hurry up or we'll be late."
 "Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

     А wonderful example of a Present Perfect Continuous as used in a joke.

[born to be wild]

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
 "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
 The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

[born to be wild]

What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

[born to be wild]

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU ….".

[born to be wild]

Mary’s boyfriend was once invited to a family dinner. After the meal the young man said dreamly: “I haven’t had such a tasty dinner for ages!” – “Neither have we,” said Mary’s younger brother.

[born to be wild]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

 - Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

 Watson replies, - I see millions of stars.

 - What does that tell you?

 Watson ponders for a minute.
 - Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

 Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
 - Watson, you're idiot, someone has stolen our tent.