Military Humour

[Ann]

     

Normal Flying

     A young pilot knew that his sweetheart was watching him flying from the airfield. To show off he looped the  loop directly over her head. After landing he naturally wanted the flight to be talked over.
     "Were you afraid?" he asked the girl.
     "A bit," she said, "but don't get discouraged. With training you'll learn to fly normally." 

[DAS]

In the Air

A sentry was posted on a rather lonesome country road, with instructions to challenge "All and sundry," as they passed. A car approached, but would not stop on being challenged. The sentry then fired, wounding the driver of the car. He fired again and hit the passenger. On coming up to the car, which had then stopped, he shouted out: "Good thing you stopped, because next time I wouldn't have fired in the air."

[DAS]

Vigilance

"How was your guard duty yesterday, TOm?"

"O.K. I was remarkably vigilant. I heard at once the relief sergeant approaching my post thoughI was fast asleep!"

[DAS]

Volunteers

"I need three volunteers for a fatigue duty. What? - No volunteers from the squad?"

"You, men, don't know the Army ways yet - if there are no voulunteers they are called for. You, you and you."

[DAS]

Music Lovers

The platoon had just come in from afternoon duties and were just about to break up, when the Master Sergeant popped out. "hold on. I got a question for everyone. Who's fond of music? All those fond of music step forward two paces."

With visions of a soft job handling the record-player at the PX, half a dozen men stepped forward, smiling broadly.

"All right," yelled the Master Sergeant. "Platoon dismissed. And you men get busy and carry that grand piano on the basement up to the officer's new quarters on the top floor!"

[DAS]

Aiming

"Why have yo got to close one eye when aiming your weapon, Private Sharp?"

"But if I close both my eyes I won't see the target, sergeant."

[DAS]

Lagging behind

"Why are you lagging behind the column, Private Smith?"

"It's not my fault, sir! They are too much in a hurry."

[DAS]

Shoes and Foot Wear

     "Dear Mom", wrote a recruit, "Army shoes are supposed to fit like a glove, as my sergeant said, but I'd be satisfied if I could just get a pair that fits like shoes."

Nice one!

[Ann]

Shoes and Foot Wear

     "Dear Mom", wrote a recruit, "Army shoes are supposed to fit like a glove, as my sergeant said, but I'd be satisfied if I could just get a pair that fits like shoes."

[DAS]

Smart Aleck

One sergeant gave an order for the whole company to raise the right leg. One confused draftee raised his left leg in error. The sergeant looked down the line and saw the upraised left leg of one soldier right next to the upraised right leg of the recruit beside him.

"Who is that smart aleck* in the middle of the line," he bellowed, "who raised both legs?"

*A smart aleck, also spelled smart alec, is someone whose sarcastic, wisecracking, or humorous manner is delivered in an offensive, obnoxious, or cocky way.

[DAS]

Disgusted Sergeant

Disgusted sergeant to parade: Of all the dunderheaded, thick-skulled bunch of morons I've ever seen - and I've seen a few - you lot take the cake. Why, I've seen officers that have had more brains than you lot !

[Ann]

     

No Importance

     A naval film was being shot about a war hero. The film director was briefing the actor playing the main part:
     "And then you'll jump from the ship into the stormy sea."
     "But I can't swim!" exclaimed the horrified actor.
     "Never mind", said the director,"this is the last scene in the film."

[DAS]

Out of Step

One of the recruits was marching out of step. The Sergeant approached, and made the poing in tones tinged with sarcasm: "They're all out of step but you!"

"Well, sergeant, you're in charge. You tell 'em."

[DAS]

     

Military Weapon

     The woman went into the gun department of an arms shop.
     "I want to buy a revolver", she said. "It's for my husband."
     "Did he tell you what kind to buy?" asked the clerk.
     "I should say not," she replied."He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him yet."

Great!!

[Ann]

     

Military Weapon

     The woman went into the gun department of an arms shop.
     "I want to buy a revolver", she said. "It's for my husband."
     "Did he tell you what kind to buy?" asked the clerk.
     "I should say not," she replied."He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him yet."