Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 67706 раз)

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Оффлайн asdfg

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #262 : 27 июля 2019, 19:10:53 »
     The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. As they go to bed for the night, the first sergeant said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
The commander said: "I see millions of stars."
Sgt: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

The commander:"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"

Sgt: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."
we all have secrets...

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #261 : 25 июля 2019, 12:12:35 »
Blood

Pvt. 1: "When I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?"

Pvt. 2: "Because your feet aren't empty."


Оффлайн asdfg

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #260 : 25 июля 2019, 07:14:42 »
     At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

     One soldier mused: "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
we all have secrets...

Оффлайн asdfg

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #259 : 24 июля 2019, 09:19:06 »
A Job Well Done

 The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning."
"Thank you very much, sir."
we all have secrets...

Оффлайн asdfg

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #258 : 23 июля 2019, 13:17:04 »
      During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

     "Your car stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
      "Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."
we all have secrets...

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #257 : 02 июня 2019, 00:24:07 »
Soldier

     A very awkward recruit was writing home to his mother when his sergeant entered the barrack-room and strode purposefully over to him. "writing to your mother?" he demanded to know.
"Yes sergeant," replied the youth.
"I suppose she was very upset when you left for a soldier, eh?"
"Yes, she was, sergeant."
"Well, you can just tell her not to fret anymore. Because even if you stay in this man's army for fifty years - you'll never become a soldier!"

     I've seen a number of American films in which sergeants are brute and very masculine. I wonder what they really are.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #256 : 26 мая 2019, 16:25:38 »
Soldier

     A very awkward recruit was writing home to his mother when his sergeant entered the barrack-room and strode purposefully over to him. "writing to your mother?" he demanded to know.

"Yes sergeant," replied the youth.

"I suppose she was very upset when you left for a soldier, eh?"

"Yes, she was, sergeant."

"Well, you can just tell her not to fret anymore. Because even if you stay in this man's army for fifty years - you'll never become a soldier!"

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #255 : 20 мая 2019, 11:04:33 »
A Valuable Dog

     A sentry near in the army camps was bitten by a valuable dog of one of the neighbouring estates, and in self-defense drove his bayonet into the animal.The owner brought charges against him to retrieve its value.

   "Why did you not knock him with the butt end of your rifle?"

   "Why didn't he bite me with his tail?"

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #254 : 03 мая 2019, 08:48:24 »
Going the Whole Hog

     The wife was reprimanding her sergeant huusband who was proudly showing off his new medal "For Bravery".
"Fred, you'd better take off that thing. You shouldn't parade your courage so conspicuously."
     "All right", agreed the hubby obediently, "only then I'd rather remove the wedding ring".

     Clever answer!

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #253 : 01 мая 2019, 15:33:44 »
Going the Whole Hog

     The wife was reprimanding her sergeant huusband who was proudly showing off his new medal "For Bravery".
"Fred, you'd better take off that thing. You shouldn't parade your courage so conspicuously."
     "All right", agreed the hubby obediently, "only then I'd rather remove the wedding ring".


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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #252 : 27 апреля 2019, 15:44:19 »
Aiming

"Why do you have to close one eye when you are aiming your weapon, Private Sharp?"

"Because if I close both my eyes, I won't see the target, sergeant."

Оффлайн asdfg

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #251 : 06 апреля 2019, 11:33:47 »
Turn Left

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said,
“I love my job, I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.”

Then I said, “Turn Left”.
we all have secrets...

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #250 : 21 марта 2019, 21:43:14 »
Worth Anything

The following sign was posted near a military base:

"Don't smoke round the tank. If your life isn't worth anything, gasoline is!"

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #249 : 16 марта 2019, 12:00:19 »
     One Squadron-Leader who had just been promoted to Group-Captain was bursting with pride at his upgrading.....

I like the Group-Captain's behaviour: people are so overburdened by the speed of events they can not make a pause and take time for being happy.

      In today's fast-moving world this situation is rather commonplace.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #248 : 16 марта 2019, 00:43:13 »
     One Squadron-Leader who had just been promoted to Group-Captain was bursting with pride at his upgrading.....

I like the Group-Captain's behaviour: people are so overburdened by the speed of events they can not make a pause and take time for being happy.

 
.