Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 8275 раз)

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #195 : 19 Июль 2018, 22:47:32 »
There's Always Hope

     A man whished to buy a cottage in the country, but hesitated. "It's the ugly biulding in front that deters me," he said to the owner. "It impedes the view of the country side".
     "Well," said the owner. "May it not bother you. It is a powder plant. It may blow up at any moment."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #194 : 30 Июнь 2018, 23:46:42 »
Losses

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #193 : 03 Июнь 2018, 12:03:30 »
Military etiquette

        Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
        Soldier: Sure, buddy.
        Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
        Soldier: No, SIR!

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #192 : 31 Май 2018, 23:59:31 »
Killed two birds with one stone!

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #191 : 31 Май 2018, 19:46:03 »
Double Maneuver (Command Decision)

    The soldier was tired and sleepy from a long train ride in a miserable old-day coach. On top of this, two fussy old ladies were keeping him awake with arguments about a window. One wanted it closed and the other wanted it open. This fuss finally brought the conductor.
     "Conductor," said the one, "if that window is opened, I'll  just freeze to death."
     "And if it's kept closed," whined the other, "I'll suffocate."
     However much the conductor tried, he couldn't settle the argument and finally he turned to the GI for help.
     "It's you, soldier, who can help me. What would you do if it were a military problem?"
     "In the Army we handle such problems like a double-prong attack: open the window and freeze one of them, then close it and suffocate the other."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #190 : 27 Май 2018, 23:18:44 »
Worse Punishment?
        An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
        The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
        When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 40 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #189 : 26 Май 2018, 01:54:27 »
     
This is How Usurpers Grow up

 
     "Peter, why is your sister crying?"
     "I am eating my apple."
     "So what?"
     "I don't know. She was also crying when I was eating her apple, too."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #188 : 17 Май 2018, 16:57:51 »
   
Good and Bad

     The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: " Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Buford will be setting the race on our morning run."
    With this the platoon was overjoyed. Private Buford was overweight and so terribly slow that the run could become a treat with a leader like that. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:"Now for the bad news. Private Buford will be driving a car."

Ahaha! This was a good one, that was! Speaking about military justice and its predictability ...

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #187 : 17 Май 2018, 00:14:16 »
   
Good and Bad

     The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: " Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Buford will be setting the race on our morning run."
    With this the platoon was overjoyed. Private Buford was overweight and so terribly slow that the run could become a treat with a leader like that. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:"Now for the bad news. Private Buford will be driving a car."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #186 : 15 Май 2018, 23:57:56 »
Experience

        Shortly after joing the Army, some inductees were standing in a line when the sergeant stepped forward with day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and then asked, "Does anyone here have experience with radio communications?"
        A longtime ham radio operator, I shouted, "I do!"
        "Good," he said. "You can dig the hole for the new telephone pole.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #185 : 08 Май 2018, 21:10:59 »
     How come?

I used to be engaged in numerous activities without specific goals. The only purpose was to keep the soldiers busy.

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #184 : 08 Май 2018, 00:18:13 »
Incredibly predictable, I would say.. I experienced it myself quite a number of times and learned it the hard way
     How come?

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #183 : 07 Май 2018, 11:00:07 »
Philosophy

        The Company Commander and the First Sergeant were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the First Sergeant said, "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
        The CO said, "I see millions of stars."
        1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
        CO: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
        1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #182 : 07 Май 2018, 10:55:19 »
  I should say in the Army it is at least more predictable.

Incredibly predictable, I would say.. I experienced it myself quite a number of times and learned it the hard way

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Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #181 : 05 Май 2018, 10:45:50 »
Justice in the Army

During training exercises, a lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he came across another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

As the lieutenant pulled alongside he asked, "Is your jeep stuck, sir?"

"No," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

     Justice is everywhere the same! I should say in the Army it is at least more predictable.