Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 11268 раз)

0 Пользователей и 1 Гость просматривают эту тему.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #211 : 30 Август 2018, 00:30:28 »
In Case of a Crash

Before his first solo flight a cadet stammered fearfully:
"Suppose the plane should crash?"
"Don't be in the least concerned about that," his flying instructor comforted him. "We always keep an extra plane in the hangar for just such emergencies."

     Very comforting!

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #210 : 28 Август 2018, 13:14:05 »
In Case of a Crash

Before his first solo flight a cadet stammered fearfully:

"Suppose the plane should crash?"

"Don't be in the least concerned about that," his flying instructor comforted him. "We always keep an extra plane in the hangar for just such emergencies."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #209 : 26 Август 2018, 20:29:40 »

     If you mean fast and flexible and adaptive brain by the fast legs.

    Oh no! I literally meant it! Having fast legs is the best way to avoid physical punishment especially against a superior enemy. But you are absolutely right - fast, flexible and adaptive brain has always proved to be the best possible asset in one's arsenal.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #208 : 26 Август 2018, 13:36:37 »
This is true. People with fast legs have practically nothing to be afraid of.

     If you mean fast and flexible and adaptive brain by the fast legs.

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #207 : 24 Август 2018, 08:33:28 »
This is true. People with fast legs have practically nothing to be afraid of.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #206 : 23 Август 2018, 23:35:51 »
     Military Training

     A veteran father was boasting that he was preparing his small son for a military career.
     "How do you do that?" he was asked.
     "To begin with, I teach him boxing and self defence. When he becomes a soldier, he'll be able to defend himself."
     "But suppose he meets a superior enemy, then?" the listener asked.
     "I've thought about that!" said the father. "I give him a good deal of training in running fast across any terrain and overcoming an obstacle course."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #205 : 20 Август 2018, 09:56:37 »
Photographs

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are.
Please keep your photo and return the others.”

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #204 : 18 Август 2018, 22:45:04 »
Only One Obstacle

          A young man wishing to join the Navy was asked:
     "Can you swim?"
     "Yes, I'm a great swimmer. Once I even wanted to swim the English Channel."
     "So what prevented you?"
     "I didn't know a word of French."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #203 : 17 Август 2018, 11:14:49 »
Aw, that was an unexpected turn of events!

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #202 : 17 Август 2018, 00:03:33 »
   
Impossible

          Private Biddles appeared in his unit at last late in the night, but without his truck he was supposed to drive.
     "Where is your truck?" shouted his commander.
          "It's in the forest about two milea from here, sir,' reported the driver.
          "Why didn't you bring it here?"
          "It's too dark to find all the parts, sir."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #201 : 13 Август 2018, 10:27:21 »
Hiccups

A Former Marine aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. His friend was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, they were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around them. Next, they lost the radio and most of the instruments. Then the left engine started coughing.

As they were being tossed around in the sky, pilot said, “Uh-oh!”

Fearing the worst, his friend asked, “What’s wrong now?”

The pilot replied, “I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #200 : 12 Август 2018, 00:16:13 »
Army Celebrity

     The password for tonight is "Byron" says the officer on the deck to the  guard commander.
     "By the way who that Byron fella was?"
     "Never heard about Byron, sir?" exclaims the officer on the deck in surprise. "He was the best craps shooter in our company."
     
     

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #199 : 01 Август 2018, 09:38:58 »
     I'm afraid I don't  exactly understand what you mean, DAS. What sense of relief is meant here? And who got the sense of relief?

Ann, the person, who wanted to buy the house, got the sense of relief after he had realised the building, which impeded the view of the country-side, was the powder plant.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #198 : 25 Июль 2018, 21:12:57 »
Hope that gave him a sense of relief!

     I'm afraid I don't  exactly understand what you mean, DAS. What sense of relief is meant here? And who got the sense of relief?

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military Humour
« Ответ #197 : 23 Июль 2018, 14:50:41 »
Secret

A famous Admiral and an equally famous General were fishing together when a sudden storm hit. When it died down both renowned warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The Admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the General, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found out I can't swim I'd be disgraced."

"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."