Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 8306 раз)

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Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #30 : 06 Май 2017, 18:59:57 »
How to Find a Foxhole

My gunnery sergeant and 
I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. “Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant?” I asked.

He snapped off a salute and 
responded, “I don’t know, sir!” 
Turning to the sergeant, he asked, “Gunnery, where is my foxhole?”

“You’re standing in it, sir,” said 
the sergeant. “All you have to do is remove the dirt.”

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #29 : 05 Май 2017, 00:04:09 »
   
Martial Music Lover

     An army brat told his father who was an Army vet sarge (sergeant}:
     "Daddy, I'd like to get a big drum. You told me you liked martial music."
     "Not at all," said his dad.
     "Don't you worry, daddy," consoled him his brat. "I'll beat the drum only while you are asleep."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #28 : 04 Май 2017, 22:55:39 »
        About the laziest man! How about trying the trick on our students, DAS?

Great Idea! We really should !

Moreover, I believe I can predict who will be the ones, reluctant to raise a hand

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #27 : 03 Май 2017, 00:39:02 »
        About the laziest man! How about trying the trick on our students, DAS?

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #26 : 01 Май 2017, 20:26:32 »
The Laziest Man

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here.
Put up your hand if you are the laziest."
24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man: "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #25 : 30 Апрель 2017, 01:13:08 »
   
  Careful Driver

     The traffic MP (military police) was desperate. His tour of duty was almost over and he hadn't caught any military driver yet violating traffic rules. Just then an Army truck passed him and he started pursuing it on his motocycle. He followed the truck for about four miles without a single violation. At last he stopped the driver to congratulate him on his careful driving. Private Marlow looked at the MP with glazed eyes and said thickly:"When you are drunk you gotta drive carefully".

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #24 : 29 Апрель 2017, 23:18:43 »
If You Need Something Done Wrong…

“Next time I send a damn fool, 
I'll go myself.”

—Sgt. Louis Cukela, reportedly said at the 
Battle of Belleau Wood during World War I

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #23 : 28 Апрель 2017, 00:18:31 »
   
Zero Level Flight
     
       A traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer.
      "Was I driving too fast?" the pilot asked.
      "No, you were flying too low," commented the motor cop.

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #22 : 27 Апрель 2017, 23:53:13 »
Military Lesson: Never Volunteer

During basic training, our sergeant asked if anyone had 
“artistic” abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the 
sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass … except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #21 : 27 Апрель 2017, 22:41:23 »
   
Accident Prevention

     An MP {military police) stopped an Army truck speeding in excess of all limits.
     "Hey, Private," he said. "Why are you racing through town at this rate?"
     "My breaks are out of order," explained the driver, "and I want to get to the unit before there is an accident."

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #20 : 26 Апрель 2017, 22:43:08 »
The Deadliest Job in WWII

My high school assignment 
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served 
in the Philippines during the war, 
I chose him.

After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #19 : 21 Апрель 2017, 22:22:48 »
                                                       
TOO

    Two gold bricks were discussing Army life.
    "We do not have any hard work in our unit stationed in Florida," said one of them. "In winter I just lie on the beach. In summer I lie on the ground in the shade near our barracs while my serge serves me cool drinks. What do you do?"
    "I lie, too," said his friend.

Оффлайн DAS

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #18 : 20 Апрель 2017, 19:35:53 »
     
Vacuum

     At communications school a trainee was asked by the instructor:"What is vacuum?"
     "It's in my head, but I can't put it in words," answered the trainee.


Hahaha! A good one!! But, anyway, he answered correctly!

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #17 : 19 Апрель 2017, 00:59:27 »
     
Vacuum

     At communications school a trainee was asked by the instructor:"What is vacuum?"
     "It's in my head, but I can't put it in words," answered the trainee.

Оффлайн Ann

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #16 : 16 Апрель 2017, 13:56:15 »
                                                                 
   More Expensive

     An American cinema company (XX Century Fox) spent a much bigger sum of money (seven times as much, to be exact) than it cost the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbour in 1941 to recreate this attack in the movie "Tora. Tora"..

     N.B. The Japanese sudden and unexpected attack in December, 1941  put an end to the policy of neutrality in the USA.