Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 11277 раз)

0 Пользователей и 1 Гость просматривают эту тему.

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #61 : 28 Август 2017, 20:01:52 »
     
Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

It reminded me of another story when supply sergeant explained to the soldiers that the army clothes came only in too sizes, too large and too small.

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #60 : 28 Август 2017, 01:02:42 »
     
Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #59 : 25 Август 2017, 22:44:11 »
Injustice

Why is that the guy who has the least privacy of anybody else in the army is called a private?

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #58 : 26 Июль 2017, 17:00:21 »
Delayed

"Private, why are you late to fall in for the morning inspection parade?"

"I got delayed because I was shining my shoes for the parade, sergeant."

"And why are you shoes dirty?"

"Because I was in a hurry to fall in for the parade, sergeant."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #57 : 26 Июль 2017, 01:41:29 »
An Enlistee

"So you want to join the Army. And what position would you like to have in the Army?"

"I would like to be CHief of Staff of a large unit, sir."

"Are you crazy, man?"

"Is it a necessary condition to hold that post sir?"

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #56 : 22 Июль 2017, 13:32:18 »
Nationality

When signing up for the englistment one man filled in the blank labeled "Nationality" as "Irish, and proud of it."

Another man, thought for a while and filled in: "Scotch, and fond of it."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #55 : 22 Июль 2017, 13:17:57 »
The best of the stories I could find at the moment

      Two GIs, who are in the country for holidays, are walking in an orchard. They see that there are a lot of apples on all trees. Only on one tree there are no apples at all. A small country boy is sitting near that tree. They call him: “Come here, boy. Do you know why there are no apples on this tree?” “Of course I do,” answers the boy, “because it’s an oak-tree".

Haha! Imagine the look on their faces !

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #54 : 20 Июль 2017, 22:15:29 »
 
The best of the stories I could find at the moment

      Two GIs, who are in the country for holidays, are walking in an orchard. They see that there are a lot of apples on all trees. Only on one tree there are no apples at all. A small country boy is sitting near that tree. They call him: “Come here, boy. Do you know why there are no apples on this tree?” “Of course I do,” answers the boy, “because it’s an oak-tree".

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #53 : 20 Июль 2017, 16:57:06 »
A Catch

'In which branch of the Army would you like to serve?' questioned the recruiting officer.

'Are you kidding?' inquired the youth. 'You mean I can take my pick?'

'Yeah. Anything but the Women's Army Corps'

'I knew there was a catch in it!'

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #52 : 20 Июль 2017, 16:55:06 »
     I am repeating this one because it still makes me smile.
     I liked your story about the bad marksman, too. Short and funny.

Oh yes! The joke about two extracted teeth has been one of the best so far!

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #51 : 12 Июль 2017, 01:25:37 »
   
Didn't Make Any Difference

     Two GIs were recalling the events of the past day.
     "What did the sergeant say when you answered back?"
     "Nothing. And those two front teeth I wished to have extacted all the same."
     I am repeating this one because it still makes me smile.
     I liked your story about the bad marksman, too. Short and funny.

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #50 : 10 Июль 2017, 16:30:28 »
Shooting Practice

Sergeant instructor: "WAtch where you're shooting, man! You only just missed me."

Bad marksman: "Sorry, sergeant..."

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #49 : 10 Июль 2017, 16:29:09 »
     Who do you think he shot in the long run?

I suppose he should have been shot for being so stupid and hesitant)

Оффлайн Ann

  • Глобальный модератор
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 685
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #48 : 08 Июль 2017, 23:29:22 »
     Who do you think he shot in the long run?

Оффлайн DAS

  • Ist Fantastisch
  • Ветеран
  • *****
  • Сообщений: 2160
  • Патриций
    • Просмотр профиля
Re: Military stories
« Ответ #47 : 08 Июль 2017, 11:15:14 »
Dilemma

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders wereclear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, replied, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new
at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"