Автор Тема: Military Humour  (Прочитано 13985 раз)

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #73 : 13 Сентябрь 2017, 18:51:31 »
Smart Aleck

One sergeant gave an order for the whole company to raise the right leg. One confused draftee raised his left leg in error. The sergeant looked down the line and saw the upraised left leg of one soldier right next to the upraised right leg of the recruit beside him.

"Who is that smart aleck* in the middle of the line," he bellowed, "who raised both legs?"

*A smart aleck, also spelled smart alec, is someone whose sarcastic, wisecracking, or humorous manner is delivered in an offensive, obnoxious, or cocky way.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #72 : 11 Сентябрь 2017, 20:11:37 »
Disgusted Sergeant

Disgusted sergeant to parade: Of all the dunderheaded, thick-skulled bunch of morons I've ever seen - and I've seen a few - you lot take the cake. Why, I've seen officers that have had more brains than you lot !

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #71 : 11 Сентябрь 2017, 01:32:32 »
     
No Importance

     A naval film was being shot about a war hero. The film director was briefing the actor playing the main part:
     "And then you'll jump from the ship into the stormy sea."
     "But I can't swim!" exclaimed the horrified actor.
     "Never mind", said the director,"this is the last scene in the film."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #70 : 09 Сентябрь 2017, 23:49:23 »
Out of Step

One of the recruits was marching out of step. The Sergeant approached, and made the poing in tones tinged with sarcasm: "They're all out of step but you!"

"Well, sergeant, you're in charge. You tell 'em."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #69 : 09 Сентябрь 2017, 23:25:29 »
     
Military Weapon

     The woman went into the gun department of an arms shop.
     "I want to buy a revolver", she said. "It's for my husband."
     "Did he tell you what kind to buy?" asked the clerk.
     "I should say not," she replied."He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him yet."

Great!!

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #68 : 08 Сентябрь 2017, 23:24:44 »
     
Military Weapon

     The woman went into the gun department of an arms shop.
     "I want to buy a revolver", she said. "It's for my husband."
     "Did he tell you what kind to buy?" asked the clerk.
     "I should say not," she replied."He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him yet."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #67 : 07 Сентябрь 2017, 21:13:43 »
Hello Sarge

A recruit encountered a sergeant one morning. "Hello Sarge!" he exclaimed pleasantly.

The outraged sergeant launched an angry lecture on military courtesy and saluting. "Goodness," said the rookie, "If I'd known you were goin' to carry on like that, I wouldn't have spoken to you at all."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #66 : 05 Сентябрь 2017, 21:53:12 »
Weather Report

The division commander unexpectedly stepped into the barracks. A trembling orderly sprang to attention and in a thin voice said: "Good Morning, sir."

The division commander eyed the private for an age-long second. And then commented confidentially: "When I see you in the future I want a salute, not an inaccurate weather report!"
     Funny!

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #65 : 03 Сентябрь 2017, 23:23:02 »
Weather Report

The division commander unexpectedly stepped into the barracks. A trembling orderly sprang to attention and in a thin voice said: "Good Morning, sir."

The division commander eyed the private for an age-long second. And then commented confidentially: "When I see you in the future I want a salute, not an inaccurate weather report!"

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #64 : 01 Сентябрь 2017, 22:08:11 »
Operations Forecast

     The unit engineer reported to the unit commander:
     "Sir, the river crossing operation is more doomed to failure."
     "Why do you think so, Hamilton?"
     " When the unit column was moving to the crossing point the road was crossed by an ugly black cat."

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #63 : 30 Август 2017, 11:49:05 »
A Little Late

Sergeant: "Now remember, lads. Drill at seven sharp in the morning!"

Recruit: "Righto, sergeant, but if I'm a little late don't wait for me, will you?"

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #62 : 28 Август 2017, 20:04:27 »
Sunbathing

Sergeant Hard caught a soldier with a single button unfastened.

'Oh,' he sneered. 'Sunbathing, eh Private Brooks?'

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #61 : 28 Август 2017, 20:01:52 »
     
Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

It reminded me of another story when supply sergeant explained to the soldiers that the army clothes came only in too sizes, too large and too small.

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #60 : 28 Август 2017, 01:02:42 »
     
Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

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Re: Military stories
« Ответ #59 : 25 Август 2017, 22:44:11 »
Injustice

Why is that the guy who has the least privacy of anybody else in the army is called a private?