Short texts for reading

[born to be wild]

The Father and His Sons

A father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarreling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces. They tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it. He next opened the faggot, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into his sons' hands, upon which they broke them easily. He then addressed them in these words: "My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks."

[Tessa]

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

[Даша]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

[Tessa]

отличная подборка у нас получается!

[АЛЁНА]

In a Small Town

Toscanini was a great musician. He lived in America. One day he came to a very little town. He was walking along the street when he saw a piece of paper in one of the windows. He read:
"Mrs. Smith. Music Lessons. Two Dollars a Lesson"
Then Toscanini heard the music. Somebody was playing Tchaikovsky.
"Mrs Smith is playing," he thought, "she isn't a very good musician. She doesn't play Tchaikovsky well. I must show her how to play it."
He went up to the door of the house and rang. The music stopped and soon a woman opened the door.
"Are you Mrs Smith?" asked Toscanini. "My name is Toscanini and I want to show you how to play Tchaikovsky."
Mrs Smith was very glad to meet the great musician. She asked him to come in. Toscanini played Tchaikovsky for her and went away.
A year later Toscanini visited the same town again. When he went up to the house where he had played Tchaikovsky the year before he again saw a piece of paper. Now it read:
"Mrs. Smith (Toscanini's pupil). Music Lessons. Four Dollars a Lesson"

[АЛЁНА]

Are You Angry, Sir?

One day Mark Twain was travelling in France by train. He was going to a small town near Paris. It was very late at night when he went to sleep. He asked the conductor to wake him up when they got to the town, and went to sleep.

It was early morning when he woke up. The train was already near Paris. Mark Twain was very angry. He ran up to the conductor and cried, "I asked you to wake me up! Why didn't you do it? I am very angry with you!"

The conductor looked at him for a moment and then said, "You may be angry, sir, but not so angry as the American whom I put off' the train instead of you."

[Tessa]

At the beginning of the 6th century, Scotland was ruled by Scottish kings and queens, but was divided between different groups of people: the Picts and Celts, who were the oldest inhabi­tants, the Scots, who came from Northern Ireland, the Britons, who were driven north by the Anglo-Saxon invaders of England, and the Angels, who originally came from what is now Germany. The Romans had left two centuries earlier.
 
England and Scotland were finally united when, in 1603, the son of Mary Queen of Scots became James I of England. This was because Mary's cousin Elizabeth I of England had left no heir when she died.
 
Today Scotland is part of the United Kingdom and is governed from London. There is a special minister in the Government, the Secretary of State for Scotland, who is responsible for education, local government and other important matters in Scotland. Although the legal education and banking systems are slightly different from those in England, life is very similar to the rest of the United Kingdom.

[Andy]

"If I Had My Life to Live Over"

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax, I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I've been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously, take more chances, take more trips. I'd climb more mountains, and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones. You see, I'm one of those people who lived seriously, sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than this trip. If I had my life to live over, I would start going barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

[born to be wild]

 A British Army Colonel was walking down Oxford Street in London, when he saw a man with no arms and no legs sitting on the pavement playing a mouth organ.

A sign beside the chap read, 'Victim of the Falklands War.'

'I say how disgraceful, eh?' said the colonel, 'the way the country treats its veterans.' So saying, he pulled out his wallet and peeled off two fifty pound notes and dropped them in the ex-soldier's hat.

The veteran looked up and said, 'Muchas gracias, senor.'

[born to be wild]

A wife asked her husband: «What do you like most in me – my pretty face or my sexy body?» He looked at her from head to toe and replied, «I like your sense of humour".

[АЛЁНА]

THE OLDEST PLANTS AND ANIMALS

        The oldest plants and animalsIn 1497 a German fisherman caught a ringed pike dated 1230. This meant that the pike was more than two hundred and sixty-seven years old. But the pike cannot compete with a turtle found in 1737 and brought to the London Zoo. When the turtle was found, scientists studied it and said that it was more than a century old. Two hundred years later, the same turtle was still living in the Zoo. There are also crocodiles that live as long as turtles.

        We all know that large parrots live long. There is one that lived 140 years. There are other birds that live to be a century old. But elephants do not usually live so long – not more than 50 to 70 years. The life of lions is even shorter – not more than 30 years.

        But the animals who live the longest lives cannot compete with members of the plant world. Little blueberry plants can live more than three hundred years. Scientists have shown that Mexican cypress trees can live ten thousand years; but the prize for long life belongs to a tree in Australia that can live fifteen thousand years.

Перевод текста на русский язык

Самые старые растения и животные

В 1497 году в Германии рыбак поймал окольцованную щуку; на кольце стояла дата – 1230 год. Это означало что щуке более чем 267 лет. Но даже щука не может соревноваться с черепахой, пойманной в 1737 году привезенной в лондонский зоопарк. Ученые изучили её и выяснили, что ей более, чем 100 лет. 200 лет спустя,  эта черепаха все еще жила в зоопарке. Так же существуют виды крокодилов, которые могут прожить столько же сколько черепахи.

Мы все знаем, что большие попугаи живут долго. Был  один попугай, который дожил до 140 лет. Так же есть птицы, которые живут почти 100 лет. А вот слоны, как правило, не живут долго – от 50 до 70 лет. Продолжительность жизни львов еще короче – не больше 30 лет.

Но даже животные, живущие так долго, не могут соревноваться с растениями. Маленькое растение голубика живет более чем 300 лет. Ученые выяснили, что мексиканские кипарисы могут прожить 10 тысяч лет. Но первое место принадлежит дереву, растущему в Австралии, которому около 15 тысяч лет.

[Даша]

live is an illusion  8)

[АЛЁНА]

Прочитав этот познавательный текст на английском языке, Вы узнаете, что цвета не существуют. Это только игра нашего воображения. Однако люди с древности приписывали цветам символические значения и даже магические свойства.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?

Цвета радугиColours do not exist. When your eye receives light, it sends messages to your mind. And your mind translates these messages into colours which vary according to the wavelengths of the light.You are all aware of the strange tricks your mind can play on you. It’s not surprising that when it translates your eyes’ messages into colours, it adds other messages. Colours become linked with memories, associations, emotions and natural body reactions. Green begins to mean trees and leaves; red subconsciously reminds you of fire.

 Perhaps this is why, over the centuries and throughout the world, colours have been given special significance and magical properties. Every colour has a superstition associated with it. The great abstract artists of this century studied the psychological effect of colours. And recently scientists have begun to discover that colours can deeply influence our lives. Here are some of the meanings that old wives and contemporary science have attributed to basic colours.

 RED – the colour of fire. Red is usually associated with passion. If red is your favourite colour, your heart rules your life. In China, red is a lucky colour for brides. Scientists believe that red stimulates the nervous system. Don’t paint your walls red, it could drive you crazy.

 YELLOW – the colour of sun. Yellow is a joyful colour, and it is associated with fertility (плодородие) because of harvest. Yellow is also a musical colour. It is like a high note and, according to the painter Kandinsky, it can cause a sharp pain in the eye, just as a high pitch musical note can hurt your ear.

 GREEN – the colour of trees and leaves. Green is always thought of as a harmonious colour, because it symbolizes growth in nature. It is a peaceful colour which can make you feel calm and rested. In some schools blackboards have been replaced by greenboards because green light wavelengths do not cause strain to the eyes. An, as an experiment, a black “suicide bridge” was repainted in bright green. As a result, the number of suicides decreased by a third.

 BLUE – the colour of sky. Blue is a spiritual colour, and it is normally associated with the mind. If this is your favourite colour, you are either spiritual or very intellectual – or both. Blue light is cold. It can make you shiver and may dull your emotions. Scientists believe that in blue light time seems to pass quicker for you – because you are day-dreaming.

 BLACK AND WHITE – these are not actually colours, but to most people black symbolizes death and evil, white means innocence and good. But in many oriental countries, black is good and white is for widows and the devil.

It’s all in your mind.

[Даша]

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

[Даша]

absolute truth! ladies can rage!