Short texts for reading

[Andy]

KID : Why some of your hair are white dad ?
DAD : Every time a son make his dad
unhappy , one of his father's hair turns white ....
KID : I now understand why grandpa's hairs are all white.

[Даша]

Пожалуйста, помогите перевести несколько английских анекдотов.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

Я начну, чтобы дать шанс и другим попробовать себя в художественной работе с текстом и юмором)))

Девушка: Вы были бы хорошим танцором, если бы всего не две вещи!
Мальчик: Какие две вещи?
Девушка: Обе ваши ноги.

[АЛЁНА]

Пожалуйста, помогите перевести несколько английских анекдотов.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

[Tessa]

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

[Даша]

favorite joke of our English Club     

[Andy]

Two tea to twenty two) или two tea to room two two)

[Tessa]

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.

[Tessa]

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?


PS this loke is used for the ESL/EFL Classroom

[Tessa]

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.

[Даша]

what a great text!

[Andy]

It Couldn't Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn't be done, But he with a chuckle replied That maybe it couldn't, but he would be one Who wouldn't say so "till he tried." So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin On his face. If he worried, he hid it. He started to sing as he tackled the thing That couldn't be done, and he did it. Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that; At least no one ever has done it." But he took off his coat and took off his hat And the first thing he knew he'd begun it. With the lift of his chin and a bit of a grin, Without any doubting or quiddit, He started to sing as he tackled the thing That couldn't be done, and he did it. There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done, There are thousands to prophesy failure; There are thousands to point out to you, one by one, The dangers that wait to assail you. But just buckle right in with a bit of a grin, Then take off your coat and go to it; Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing That cannot be done, and you'll do it.

[Даша]

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
 

[Andy]

так еще русских шпионов ловили 

Можно было борщ подать и смотреть, как он его ест)))

[Даша]

That's amazing)
Пациент жалуется доктору на глазную боль при чаепитии) Ему рекомендуют вынимать ложку из чашки))

так еще русских шпионов ловили 

[Andy]

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

That's amazing)
Пациент жалуется доктору на глазную боль при чаепитии) Ему рекомендуют вынимать ложку из чашки))