Тонкий английский юмор

[born to be wild]

Once Bernard Shaw dropped the phrase that all women are corrupt. The English Queen heard that and when meeting Shaw, asked him:

«Is it true, sir, that you are saying that all women are corrupt?»

«Yes, Your Majesty.»

"And me too?!" — exclaimed the queen indignantly.

«And you too, Your Majesty.» - Shaw said calmly.

«And how much am I worth?» - asked the queen.

«Ten thousand pounds» - Shaw said at once.

"What, so cheap?!" - The queen resented.

«You see, you are already bargaining about the price.» - the playwright smiled.

[DAS]

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Yeah, we have to admit, women are really talkative sometimes ..

[born to be wild]

Да....мы поняли!!! Прикольно!!!

[Mari]

Шесть жен Генриха VIII
Английские дети запоминают их так:

Divorced, Beheaded, Died; (Разведена, обезглавлена, умерла)
Divorced, Beheaded, Survived. (Разведена, обезглавлена, выжила).

Какие-то они все одинаковые. Он их не путал?))

[born to be wild]

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

[DAS]

Oh!!! You are that sensitive...sorry for hurting your innocent feelings....

You are exaggerating it a little bit but the fact you are paying attention is greatly appreciated

[born to be wild]

Explicit, but funny!!

Oh!!! You are that sensitive...sorry for hurting your innocent feelings....

[Ann]

A promising student for our school!

[DAS]

Boy — "Dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother".
Santa — "Send me your mother".

Explicit, but funny!!

[born to be wild]

Boy — "Dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother".
Santa — "Send me your mother".

[DAS]

[asdfg]

Son=S, Father=F
S: I can’t go to school today.
F: Why not?
S: I don’t feel well
F: Where don’t you feel well?
S: In school!

[DAЛ$]

[DAS]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

[asdfg]

Judge=J; Man=M;

J: “Why did you steal the car?”

M: “I had to get to work.”
 
J: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

M: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.