Тонкий английский юмор

[DAS]

"Your voice surprises me."

"I studied and spent one million dollars to learn to sing."

"I'd like to have you meet my brother."

"Is he a singer, too?"

"No, he is a lawyer, he'll get your money back."

[DAS]

"This song haunts me."

"It should. You just murdered it."

[Ann]

     "I'd like to borrow a book, please."
     "Something light?"
     "That doesn't matter? I have my car with me."

[DAS]

"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me."

"How's that?"

"Well, they enabled me to buy the neighbours' houses at half price."

[DAS]

Landlord: " I want you to pay your rent,"

Struggling artist: "Let me tell you this - in a few years' time people will look up at this miserable studio and say, "Doakes, the famous artist used to work there."

Landlord: "IF you don't pay your rent now, they will be able to say it tomorrow.."

[DAS]

“Make it a rule never to give a child a book you would not read yourself.”

― George Bernard Shaw

[DAS]

"Why did they hang that picture?"

"Perhaps because they couldn't find the artist."

[DAS]

     

An Active Generation

     Son:      Mummy do you remember that old vase that had been handed from generation to generation in our family?
     Mother: Yes, dear, what about it?
     Son:      Well, it has been broken by this generation.

  These new active generations seem to be destroying everything the previous generations had built.

[Ann]

     

An Active Generation

     Son:      Mummy do you remember that old vase that had been handed from generation to generation in our family?
     Mother: Yes, dear, what about it?
     Son:      Well, it has been broken by this generation.

[DAS]

     After reading a great number of jokes from out of here I've chosen this one as one of the best.

  Pleased to hear!

[Ann]

He was the only witness to the car accident. The cop asked his name. "John Smith," he said.
"Give us your real name," ordered the cop.
"Well, put me down as William Shakespeare."
"That's better," said the cop, "you can't fool me with that Smith stuff."

     After reading a great number of jokes from out of here I've chosen this one as one of the best.

[DAS]

The wits say that once the famous American dancer Isadora Dunkan wrote to George Bernard Shaw and suggested:

"We two ought to have a child, so it could inherit my beauty and your brains." Shaw reportedly wrote back:

"Madam, I am flattered - but suppose it turned out to have my beauty and your brains?"

[Ann]

"I've changed my mind."
"And does the new one work better?"

     

Good question!

[asdfg]

Uncle: Son, what’s your age?
Nephew: 28
Uncle: It’s an age of marriage, son. When will you marry?
Nephew: Very soon. And what’s your age, uncle?
Uncle: 75
Nephew: It’s an age of death, uncle. When will you die?

[DAS]

Writer : "Do you think I need to put more fire into my editorials?"

Editor: "No, vice versa."