Автор Тема: Short texts for reading  (Прочитано 774917 раз)

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Alexandra

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #12 : 09 июня 2011, 12:19:54 »
 sooooo funny  :D :D :D lmao
hey guys))) sorry for skipping the last meeting, was busy at work  :'(
but I've got smth for you ))) check this out  ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOPuvTMndIs&feature=player_embedded

can't wait to see you all!!!!

Оффлайн Helen Art

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #11 : 08 июня 2011, 23:42:36 »
An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if Idied". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.
And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So, he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."


Sorry for black humor....but I think it really funny))))))) :) :) :)

Stacy

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #10 : 08 июня 2011, 10:45:53 »
A professional joke:

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.
 :D  :D  :D

Nika, of course you may read this forum, even should!!)

Оффлайн Helen Art

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #9 : 08 июня 2011, 00:22:19 »
Shoe repair shop.

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready on Thursday," he said calmly.

Оффлайн Helen Art

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #8 : 07 июня 2011, 23:25:11 »
   
Get married in Heaven


On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'

Оффлайн Spirit of Finland

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #7 : 07 июня 2011, 14:44:21 »
Interesting text! Thanks.
I have understood it!

I hope I may read it here...

Оффлайн yemi

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #6 : 06 июня 2011, 07:23:04 »
 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I wonder what it feels like being blonde, really)))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice jokes, lol!

Оффлайн Helen Art

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Alexandra

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #4 : 02 июня 2011, 12:17:18 »
ahahahahhahaah funny))) lol ;D
check this out -----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM6EX0bh_Fw     ;D ;D ;D

Stacy

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #3 : 02 июня 2011, 09:29:32 »
 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
Both jokes are really funny)) Though I'm a blond too, I love reading such jokes))) Here's another one:
The Bet
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

 :)  :)  ;)

Alexandra

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Re: Short texts for reading
« Ответ #2 : 02 июня 2011, 00:41:28 »
hey))))) Here is one more text to read and laught)))))))


A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm Sorry, " and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston.

hope you enjoy it)))))
PS Blond girls don't be offended as i'm blonde as well and the text is really funny))) lol

Оффлайн Helen Art

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Short texts for reading
« Ответ #1 : 02 июня 2011, 00:24:59 »
Hello, groupmates!!
Many of us have nothing to read in free time. So, I offer to post here short interestig texts. Let me offer you an example (check the link)
P.S. If you have watched interesting short videos in English you can share a link (Helen, we are waiting for that movie about the aliens))))

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