Short texts for reading

[Alesto]

«A SAD STORY»

      Three men were spending their holiday in New York. They were living in a hotel which had forty-five floors and their room was on the last floor.
      Returning to the hotel late one night, they were told by the lift man: «I am very sorry, but the lifts in our hotel aren't running. They stop working at twelve o'clock. You must walk up to your room».
      «We are still young», one of the men said. «I suppose we, can climb up to the forty-fifth floor». So the men took off their coats and put them in the coat-room. As they were walking past the tenth floor one of the men said: «I am becoming a little tired. I have an idea how to make the climb easier. I shall tell happy or funny stories the next five floors: then Bill will sing songs the next fifteen floors, and Tom will tell sad stories the last fifteen floors».
      They continued climbing, and soon all of them were feeling very tired. But they did not want to show to each other that they were tired, so the first man told happy stories, and jokes and the second sang happy songs. When they arrived at the thirtieth floor, the first man said: «Now, Tom, you can begin telling sad stories».

«Yes», Tom said, «I must tell you a very sad story. The key to our room is lying in my coat pocket, in the coat-room!»

[Sergevna]

Car accident

There's a guy from Ireland driving through Europe and an English guy driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head-on1 and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Irish fella2 manages to climb out of his car and survey the damages. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Jesus, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Englishman scrambles3 out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Englishman walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences4 and live as friends instead of such enemies." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck." So, the Irishman opens his boot5 and finds a full unopened bottle of Irish Whiskey. He says to the English fella, "I think this is another sign from God that we toast to our new-found6 understanding and friendship". The Englishman says, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts drinking the Irish Whiskey. After putting away7 nearly half the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Irish fella and says, "Your turn!" The Irish fella twists the cap back8 on the bottle and says, "No, I think I'll wait for the police to show up".

1 to hit head-on – столкнуться лоб в лоб

2 fella разг. = fellow — друг

3 to scramble – протискиваться

4 petty differences – мелкие различия

5 boot – багажник

6 new-found — вновь обретенный

7 to put away – опустошать

8 to twist a cap back – закрутить пробку

[Sergevna]

Cat and the saucer1

In front of a delicatessen2, an art collector3 noticed a dirty little kitten lapping4 up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start5, was a rare and precious piece of pottery6.

He walked into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor7.

"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and ugly, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."

"It's a deal8," said the proprietor and pocketed the ten on the spot.

"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the collector. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."

"Nothing doing9," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."

1 saucer – блюдце

2 delicatessen – деликатес

3 art collector – коллекционер

4 to lap – лакать

5 to realize with a start – сразу понять

6 a rare and precious piece of pottery – редкое и ценное керамическое изделие

7 proprietor – владелец

8 It's a deal. – Согласен.

9 Nothing doing. – Не выйдет.

[Alesto]

TEA LEAVES

There was a time when drinking tea was almost unknown in European countries; many people had never even heard of tea. This anecdote is about an old woman and her son, who lived before tea-drinking became popular in England.

He was a sea captain, and every time he returned from a far-away country, he brought his mother a gift. He tried to bring something unusual, that she could show to her friends.

Once the young man came back from India with a box of tea for his mother. She didn't know anything about tea, but she was proud of her son, and she invited all her friends to come and try what he had brought her. When her son came into the room, he saw cakes and fruit and jam on the table, and a big plate full of brown tea-leaves. His mother and her friends were sitting round the table, eating the leaves with butter and salt. Though they all smiled, it was clear that they didn't enjoy eating the leaves.

«Where is the tea, Mother?» the captain asked.

His mother showed him the plate in the middle of the table.
«We are having tea for lunch», she said.

«No, no, those are only the tea-leaves», said the cap­tain. «Where is the water?»
«The water!» his mother said. «I threw the water away, of course!»

[Sergevna]

The Pack of Biscuits
One night there was a woman at the airport who had to wait for several hours before catching her next flight. While she waited she bought a book and a pack of biscuits to spend the time. She looked for a place to sit and waited. She was deep into her book, when suddenly she realized that there was a young man sitting next to her who was stretching his hand, with no concern whatsoever, and grabbing the pack of cookies lying between them. He started to eat them one by one. Not wanting to make a fuss about it she decided to ignore him.

The woman, slightly bothered, ate the cookies and watched the clock, while the young and shameless thief of biscuits was also finishing them. The woman started to get really angry at this point and thought, «If I wasn't such a good and educated person, I would have given this daring man a black eye by now.» Every time she ate a biscuit, he had one too. The dialogue between their eyes continued and when only one biscuit was left, she wondered what was he going to do. Softly and with a nervous smile, the young man grabbed the last biscuit and broke it in two. He offered one half to the woman while he ate the other half. Briskly she took the biscuit and thought, «What an insolent man! How uneducated! He didn't even thank me!»

She had never met anybody so fresh and sighed relieved to hear her flight announced. She grabbed her bags and went towards the boarding gate refusing to look back to where that insolent thief was seated. After boarding the plane and nicely seated, she looked for her book which was nearly finished by now. While looking into her bag she was totally surprised to find her pack of biscuits nearly intact. If my biscuits are here, she thought feeling terribly, those others were his and he tried to share them with me. Too late to apologize to the young man, she realized with pain, that it was her who had been insolent, uneducated and a thief, and not him!

[born to be wild]

Present Perfect Continuous - очень употребимое время в английском языке. Означает действие, которое началось давно и продолжается до сих пор. Переводится на русский язык настоящим временем.
     See how Present Perfect Continuous is used in the following funny stories.

                                            1. BAD MANNERS
     Mother:      Jessie, don't interrupt me. Haven't I told you again and again not to speak when older persons are talking, but wait until they stop?
     Jessie:        I HAVE  BEEN WAITING  for such a long time, mummy, but you never stop tallking.

                                             2.THE WORLD'S INGRATITUDE
     Old man:     Why are you looking so sad, dear boy?
     Young poet: Brown doesn't know who Shakespeare was.
     Old man:      How does it concern you?
     Young poet:  I HAVE BEEN THINKING that one day I may be forgotten, too.


                                             3. PUPPIES NEVER SEE TILL THEY ARE
                                                           NINE DAYS OLD
     Tutor:        Wait a bit, young men! I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU  for  about  an hour.  Why don't you take off your hats when you meet your  tutors?
     One of the undergraduates: We beg your pardon, sir. We are just freshmen
     here. We haven't seen you.
     Tutor:     How long HAVE YOU BEEN STAYING  in Cambridge?
     One of the undergraduates: We HAVE BEEN STAYING here for only eight days, sir.
      Tutor:     In this case I have been too strict, for puppies never see till they are nine days old

[born to be wild]

  Enjoy the story and see how  Continuous  is used in it

"Thomas? What is the matter with your brother?" asked the mother of the boys.
"He is crying", replied Thomas,"because I am eating my  cake and won"t give him any."
"Is his own cake finished?" asked the mother.
"Yes, and he cried while I was eating that, too."

[born to be wild]

         Read the following funny story and see how Past Continuous is used in it.

                                               NO DRIVERS
    A group of drunken soldiers involved in a сar accident were brought to the military police."Who was driving when the accident happened?" asked a police officer.
    One of the drunkards replied triumphantly."No one. We were all sitting in the back seat".

I read this funny story again and I LIKE it.

[АЛЁНА]

Two Brothers

Once there were two brothers, Peter and Bernard. Both of them liked to ride horses. One day they both went to buy a horse. Bernard bought a horse and Peter bought a horse, too.
"Oh, dear!" said Bernard. "How are we going to tell our horses apart? How shall I know which is my horse and which is your horse?"
"It isn't difficult," said Peter, "you cut the tail of your horse shorter than that of mine."
So Bernard cut the tail of his horse and now they could see which horse was his. But then the tail of Bernard's horse grew and the brothers began to think again.
"I know!" said Bernard. "You cut the mane of your horse very short and so we'll see which horse is yours."
But soon the mane of his horse grew.
"Do you know what we must do?" asked Peter. "We must see whose horse is longer. Perhaps, one is longer than the other."
And at last they found that the black horse was three centimetres longer than the white horse.

[Mari]

Умный   мальчик)

[АЛЁНА]

English

A young boy was playing with a ball in the street. He kicked it too hard, and it broke the window of a house and fell inside. A lady came to the window with the ball and shouted at the young boy, so he ran away, but he still wanted his ball back.
A few minutes later he returned and knocked at the door of the house, and when the lady answered it, he said, "My father's going to come and fix your window very soon."
After a few more minutes a man came to the door with tools in his hand, so the lady let the boy take his ball away.
When the man finished fixing the window, he said to the lady, "That will cost you exactly ten dollars."
"But aren't you the father of that young boy?" the woman asked, looking surprised.
"No," he answered, equally surprised. "Aren't you his mother? "
________________________________________
Русский

Маленький мальчик играл с мячем на улице. Он пнул его слишком сильно и мячик, пробив окно в доме, упал на пол. Женщина выглянула в окно с мячиком и так ругала мальчика, что тот убежал, но ему хотелось вернуть свой мячик обратно.
Через несколько минут он постучал в дверь дома, где жила женщина и сказал ей: "Мой папа собирается прийти и починить ваши окна".
Через несколько минут пришел мужчина с инструментами в руках, женщина пропустила его и отдала мальчику мячик.
Когда мужчина закончил с окнами, он сказал: "Это будет стоить вам ровно десять долларов".
"Но разве вы не отец того мальчика?" - спросила женщина, удивившись.
"Нет", он тоже был удивлен, "А разве вы не его мать?"

[АЛЁНА]

The Frogs and the Well

Two Frogs1 lived together in a marsh2. But one hot summer the marsh dried up3, and they left it to look for another place to live in: for frogs like damp4 places if they can get them. By and by5 they came to a deep well6, and one of them looked down into it, and said to the other, "This looks a nice cool place. Let us jump in and settle7 here." But the other, who had a wiser head on his shoulders, replied, "Not so fast, my friend. Supposing this well dried up like the marsh, how should we get out again?"

Moral: Look before you leap8.


1 Frogs — лягушки (a frog — лягушка)
2 marsh (= wet area, pond) — пруд, заболоченное место
3 to dry up (= to loose all water) — высохнуть
4 damp (= humid, wet) — влажный
5 by and by (= overtime, eventually) — долго ли, коротко ли; со временем
6 well — колодец
7 to settle (= to begin living in a new place) — осесть, поселиться
8 to leap (= to jump into) — прыгать

[Sergevna]

A FUNNY STORY'

A nervous man, who lived in one of suburbs of a big town in England, was walking home from the railway station. The road was dark and lonely. Suddenly he heard footsteps approaching him from behind and thought he was being followed. He walked quickly. The footsteps continued to follow. The man started running. The footsteps still followed him. The man jumped over a wall and, running into an old cemetery, threw himself on the grass near one of the graves.

"If he comes here", he thought, "there will be no doubt he wants to rob me".

The man behind was following. He also got over the wall and came up to the grave. The nervous man stood up and asked:

"What do you want? Why are you following me?"

"I say", answered the other man, "do you always go home like this?
Or are you having some special sort of jumping, exercises tonight?
I am going to Mr. Ro­bertson's and the man I at the railway station told me to follow you, as you lived next door. Excuse my asking you, but will you have some more gymnastics or will you go straight home?"

[Рина З.]

К сожалению, в этой теме мне точно делать нечего! Только английский...

[АЛЁНА]

English Traditions

If you arrive in Great Britain you'll hear the word "tradition" everywhere. Englishmen have sentimental love for things and traditions. They never throw away old things.

In many houses in Great Britain they have fire-places and though their bedrooms are awfully cold, the English people do not want to have central heating because they do not want to have changes.

Therefore the Yeomen-Warders are dressed in traditional medieval clothes and the traditional dress of the Horse Guards regiment has existed since the twelfth century.

In the House of Lords of the British Parliament there are two rows of benches for lords and a sack of wool for the Lord Chancellor to sit on it. This is so because in the old times wool made England rich and powerful. In the House of Commons you will see two rows of benches for the two parties: the government on one side and the opposition — on the other. In front of the benches there is the strip on a carpet and when a member speaking in the House puts his foot beyond that strip, there is a shout "Order!". This dates from the time when the members had swords on them and during the discussion might want to start fighting. The word "order" reminded them that no fighting was allowed in the House.

Another old custom remains from the time when there was a lot of robbers in London. In those days the shouting "Who goes home?" was often heard in the Houses of Parliament and the members went in groups along the dark narrow streets of the old city. In modem London with its well-lit streets the shouting "Who goes home?" is still heard.