Тонкий английский юмор

[Andrei1]

“People often say to me. ‘What are you doing in my garden?’”
- Michael Redmond

[born to be wild]

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
 A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
 A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
 A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
 A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
 A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
 A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
 A: Not enough sand.

[DAЛ$]

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.”
Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own business!”

[Ксюша]

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in a school play.
"Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"
The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"
The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

[DAS]

A son who is in college sends his father a letter that reads:
"No mon. No fun. Your Son".
To which the Dad sends a reply:
"How sad. Too bad. Your Dad".

[born to be wild]

A teacher asks his pupil: Why are you late, Bob?
Bob answers: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Bob: The one that says, «School Ahead, Go Slow.»

[Ксюша]

[Ксюша]

[Andrei1]

“Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!” cried one of my British friends as I pulled an awkward smile, my brain now racing furiously to translate the humour.

[Ксюша]

[DAЛ$]

Пардонте, а можно для тех, кто знает "ломанный английский")))

[DAS]

[DAS]

AFTER-SCHOOL SNACK

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
 

: D Nice one! It reminds me of some students 

[Andrei1]

AFTER-SCHOOL SNACK

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
 

[Б.Я.]

     Я тоже обратил внимание на эту веселенькую историю.