Сообщения

16

Английский язык / Re: Short texts for reading

« : 08 ноября 2015, 14:37:43 »

The Elephant Rope

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.

17

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:57:19 »

The Trip to the Brocken, Germany (fairy tale)

Once upon a time there was a young man who was engaged to marry a pretty girl. After a while the bridegroom-to-be became suspicious of his fiancée and her mother. You see, they were both witches.

The day came when witches go the Brocken, and the two women climbed into the hayloft, took a small glass, drank from it, and suddenly disappeared. The bridegroom-to-be, who had sneaked after them and observed them, was tempted to take a swallow from the glass. He picked it up and sipped a little from it, and suddenly he was on the Brocken, where he saw how his fiancée and her mother were carrying on with the witches, who were dancing around the devil, who was standing in their midst.

After the dance was ended, the devil commanded everyone to take her glass and drink, and immediately afterward they all flew off in the four directions of the wind. The bridegroom-to-be, however, stood there all soul alone on the Brocken, and freezing, for it was a cold night. He hadn't brought a glass with him, so he had to return on foot. Halloween Stories

After a long, difficult hike he finally came to his fiancée's. However, she was very angry, and her mother scolded him as well, for having drunk from the glass. Mother and daughter finally agreed to turn the bridegroom-to-be into a donkey, and that is what happened.

The poor bridegroom-to-be was now a donkey, and he plodded unhappily from one house to the next, crying a sad 'ee-ah, ee-ah.' A man felt sorry for the donkey, took him into his stall, and gave him some hay. But understandably the donkey did not want to eat, and was driven from the stall with blows.

After wandering about for a long time, long-ears finally came back to the house of his fiancée, the witch, and he cried out pitifully. The fiancée saw her former bridegroom-to-be, standing there before her door as a donkey with bowed head and ears hanging down.


She regretted what she had done and said to the donkey, 'I will help you, but you must do what I tell you. At a child's baptism, place yourself before the church door and let the baptismal water be poured over your back, and then you will be transformed back into a human.'

The donkey followed his fiancée's advice. The next Sunday, a child was baptized, and the donkey placed himself before the church door. When the baptismal service was over, the sexton wanted to pour out the baptismal water, but the donkey was standing in his way.

'Go on, you old donkey!' said the sexton, but the donkey did not yield. Then the sexton became angry and poured the water over the animal's back.

Now the donkey was redeemed and was transformed back into a man. He hurried to his fiancée, married her, and lived happily with her from that time forth.

18

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:54:32 »

Halloween Skeleton for the DoctorHalloween Skeleton Story

An intern was sent to collect a new skeleton from the central store.  When he arrived at the consultant surgeon's office there was already a queue of patients waiting.  As the intern wrestled the skeleton through the outside door he became aware of people gazing at him enquiringly.

He gave them a smile and said, 'I am bringing him to the doctor.'

An old lady said sympathetically, 'My dear! Isn't he a bit late for the doctor?'

19

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:41:07 »

Texas Halloween Investigation

There was a murder in Texas at Halloween, and the FBI were called in to investigate. Hitchcock, one of the officers, saw something written in blood on the wall. It looked like the number '7734', but he was not sure; anyway, he took lots of pictures.

When Hitchcock got back to the lab he developed the film of the crime scene, but he still could not make any progress with the number. In the hope of inspiration, he took the sheaf of photographs home and spread them on the dining room table. Just at that moment his 7 year old daughter Emma came in through the patio door opposite, and looked down at the photographs.

'Why have you photographed hell?', she asked, then Hitchcock saw that when held upside down, 7734 spelt: 'hELL'.

20

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:39:57 »

The Old Witch by The Brothers Grimm
(Classic Halloween Story For Kids)

There was once a little girl who was very wilful and who never obeyed when her elders spoke to her - so how could she be happy?  The Old Witch Brothers Grimm

One day she said to her parents, 'I have heard so much of the old witch that I will go and see her. People say she is a wonderful old woman, and has many marvellous things in her house, and I am very curious to see them.'

But her parents forbade her going, saying, 'The witch is a wicked old woman, who performs many godless deeds - and if you go near her, you are no longer a child of ours.'

The girl, however, would not turn back at her parents' command, but went to the witch's house. When she arrived there the old woman asked her:

'Why are you so pale?'
'Ah,' she replied, trembling all over, 'I have frightened myself so with what I have just seen.'

'And what did you see?' inquired the old witch.
'I saw a black man on your steps.'

'That was a collier,' replied she.
'Then I saw a gray man.'

'That was a sportsman,' said the old woman.
'After him I saw a blood-red man.'

'That was a butcher,' replied the old woman.

'But, oh, I was most terrified,' continued the girl, 'when I peeped through your window, and saw not you, but a creature with a fiery head.'

'Then you have seen the witch in her proper dress,' said the old woman. 'For you I have long waited, and now you shall give me light.'

So saying the witch changed the little girl into a block of wood, and then threw it on the fire. When it was fully alight, she sat down on the hearth and warmed herself, saying:

'How good I feel! The fire has not burned like this for a long time!'

21

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:39:14 »

Uncle John's Halloween Story

When I was a boy, each year as the nights began to draw in, my uncle John would tell we kids this Halloween story.  It was a tale about a trick that he played in a graveyard.  One night Uncle John spotted his great friend Eddie weaving his way home from the village pub.  As John watched, he saw Eddie open the church's litch gate and take the shortcut through the graveyard.Uncle John's Halloween Story

There was no doubt that Eddie was the worse for wear, and appeared disoriented, really he should have taken the longer route home via the round ring.  But then he cried out to nobody in particular, 'Where am I?'

John replied instantly, 'Amongst the living'.

'Where are you?' cried Eddie'; to which John replied in his most sepulchral voice, 'Amongst the dead'.

Eddie sobered up instantly, rushed back the way he came, and took the long way around the churchyard.  This time he preferring to go passed the round ring, rather than stay a minute longer amongst the spirits of the gravestones.

22

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 26 октября 2015, 20:38:36 »

The Legend of Bride's Head BridgeShort Halloween Childrens Story

There's a bridge near Hanover in Germany called 'Der Kopf der Braut', which means bride's head.  A 15th century legend has it that Reichsgraf von Kesselstatt and his bride Gretchen were approaching the bridge in their horse and carriage when their way was blocked by an elderly crone.

The Reichsgraf or 'Count' ordered the old lady to get off the bridge instantly and make way for their carriage.  But it was dark, and the old lady had difficulty in herding her sheep off the bridge.

Because the old witch was moving none to fast, Reichsgraf von Kesselstatt took his whip and have her a sound thrashing.  Bleeding, and cowering in a ditch, the old witch put a curse on the carriage.  Consequently when the bridal party eventually crossed the bridge, one of the horses shied and the other reared up.  The upshot was that Gretchen was thrown from the carriage into the river below.

It seems certain that she drowned as the river was in torrent and Gretchen was never seen again. However, it is said by Hanoverian wicca that at Halloween you can see a headless bride standing on rocks in the middle of the river.  Some say she is looking for her lost head, while other say she is looking for her beloved Reichsgraf von Kesselstatt.

23

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 15 октября 2015, 22:30:14 »

Dancing with the Devil

The girl hurried through her schoolwork as fast as she could. It was the night of the high school dance, along about 70 years ago in the town of Kingsville, Texas. The girl was so excited about the dance. She had bought a brand new, sparkly red dress for the dance. She knew she looked smashing in it. It was going to be the best evening of her life.

Then her mother came in the house, looking pale and determined.

"You are not going to that dance," her mother said.

"But why?" the girl asked her mother.

"I've just been talking to the preacher. He says the dance is going to be for the devil. You are absolutely forbidden to go," her mother said.

The girl nodded as if she accepted her mother's words. But she was determined to go to the dance. As soon as her mother was busy, she put on her brand new red dress and ran down to the K.C. Hall where the dance was being held.

As soon as she walked into the room, all the guys turned to look at her. She was startled by all the attention. Normally, no one noticed her. Her mother sometimes accused her of being too awkward to get a boyfriend. But she was not awkward that night. The boys in her class were fighting with each other to dance with her.

Later, she broke away from the crowd and went to the table to get some punch to drink. She heard a sudden hush. The music stopped. When she turned, she saw a handsome man with jet black hair and clothes standing next to her.

"Dance with me," he said.

She managed to stammer a "yes", completely stunned by this gorgeous man. He led her out on the dance floor. The music sprang up at once. She found herself dancing better than she had ever danced before. They were the center of attention.

Then the man spun her around and around. She gasped for breath, trying to step out of the spin. But he spun her faster and faster. Her feet felt hot. The floor seemed to melt under her. He spun her even faster. She was spinning so fast that a cloud of dust flew up around them both so that they were hidden from the crowd.

When the dust settled, the girl was gone. The man in black bowed once to the crowd and disappeared. The devil had come to his party and he had spun the girl all the way to hell.

 

24

Английский язык / Re: Halloween Stories

« : 15 октября 2015, 22:26:07 »

очередные страшилки...

Amber

A Texas Ghost Story


 Spooky TexasOh, you hear the stories about how dangerous Ouija boards are, but hey—it’s just a game. Mary waited until midnight to begin our little game, and the four of us—Sarah, Jessie, me, and, Mary, started by asking all kinds of silly questions.

It was a strange-looking board, covered with letters and symbols. There was a plastic pointer that was supposed to move across the board at the behest of the spirits. The instructions called it a planchette.

Around one thirty in the morning, the planchette suddenly froze in Mary’s hand. It wouldn’t move, no matter how much we pushed and pulled.

Mary turned her frightened blue eyes toward me. “I’m not doing it,” she said, lifting her hands. I grabbed the planchette myself and tried to push it around, but it was fixed to the board.

Suddenly, a kind of electric shock buzzed through my fingers. I gasped and tried to pull my fingers from the planchette, but they were stuck. Mary and Jessie both tried to pull my fingers away, nothing helped. The other girls stared with wide, round eyes, as the planchette came alive under my fingers—which were still fixed to its surface—and began to move.

“Help.” The words spelled out under my hand. “Help me. Help me.”

The planchette kept moving back and forth between the h – e – l – p continuously, until Sarah cried out: “Who are you?”

 “Amber.” The board spelled. “My name is Amber. I am eight years old.”

“What’s wrong?” Mary asked. Her face was so white all the freckles stood out like darkened age spots.

“Water. Danger. Help. Scared.” The words spelled out as fast as my hand could move.

“Call 9-1-1,” Mary cried suddenly. “Quick. Amber is in danger.”

By this time, Sarah was gasping into the phone. Then she hung up the phone. “They wouldn’t listen to me,” she told us, almost in tears.

At that instant, my hand was suddenly free from the planchette.

“She’s gone,” I gasped,

“See if you can contact her again,” Mary said urgently. “We need to know if she’s okay!”

I picked up the plastic planchette again. “Amber, are you there?” I asked softly, afraid of what might happen.

After a long pause, it moved slowly across the board and spelled out the words: “Too late.” And after another long pause. “Water. Flood. Drowned. Mobile. Alabama.” The planchette stopped.
I knew that Amber was gone.

None of us got much sleep that night. In the morning, we rushed through breakfast and then looked up the Alabama news on the Internet. None of us were surprised to read that there had been flash floods the night before.  I read the names of those who had died in the flood. One of the victims was an eight-year-old girl named Amber.

25

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 22:12:44 »

Bra sizes

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs... {B} - Barely there. {C} - Can't Complain! {D} - Damn! {DD} - Double damn! {E} - Enormous! {G} - GEEEEzus Christ! {F} - Fake.

26

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 22:11:36 »

The Barber Shop

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

27

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 22:04:04 »

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

28

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 21:54:41 »

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician...

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who created the chaos?"

29

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 21:21:19 »

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!'

30

Английский язык / Re: Тонкий английский юмор

« : 15 октября 2015, 21:17:11 »

A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me." She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."