Тонкий английский юмор

[DAS]

Head of company requests head of Human Resources:
— Find the person in our company — a young, capable, proactive, that could take my place.
— And then?
— Once you find, immediately fire him!

[born to be wild]

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
 
"What's the matter? Are you sick?"
 
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

[born to be wild]

Больше не на баланс смахивает, а на балласт...

[DAЛ$]

[born to be wild]

"What is your age?" asked the judge.
"Remember you're under oath."
"Twenty-one years and some months," the woman answered.
"How many months?" the judge persisted.
"One hundred and eight."

[DAS]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

[DAS]

Oh dear! Poor Irishman!

[born to be wild]

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out," said the Irishman.

[DAЛ$]

[DAS]

потрясающе! главное уметь найти выход из любой ситуации

[DAЛ$]

[DAЛ$]

[born to be wild]

Did you hear about the kid who was pulled over for speeding?

The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

[born to be wild]

Сам себя...

[DAS]

Good one! The guy got busted!!