Тонкий английский юмор

[born to be wild]

Who Is The Boss?
 The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
 Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss.” He then taped it to his office door.
 Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

[Ann]

Violin Practice
 Little Harry was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of Harry’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
 The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, “For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

     Неплохая шутка!

[Spirit of Finland]

Улыбнуло!
Да, почему бы не сыграть что-нибудь, чего пес не знает!?

[born to be wild]

Violin Practice
 Little Harry was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of Harry’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
 The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, “For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

[born to be wild]

Would You?

 One evening, a wife decides to ask her husband a question. “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”
 “Well,” says the husband, “we all need companionship, so I suppose someday I would.”
 “Hmm,” says the wife. “Well, would she live in this house?”
 “We’ve spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it,” says the guy, “so I guess she would.”
 “Would she sleep in our bed?”
 “Well, it seems a shame to waste a perfectly good bed,” says the husband, “so I guess she would.”
 “Would she use my golf clubs?”
 “Of course not,” says the husband. “She’s a lefty.”

[asdfg]

The beginning of the operation. The anaesthetist leans over the patient to put an anesthetic mask. The patient smells the booze breath and exclaims:
- Doctor, you are drunk!
The anaesthetist gives the patient a tender slap in the face.
- Am I drunk? You should have seen the surgeon!

[born to be wild]

John returned home late and found a naked man in his wife's bedroom closet.
"Hey, what are you doing in there?"
"I'm riding a bus."
"That's a stupid thing to say!"
"That's a stupid thing to ask!"

[born to be wild]

[born to be wild]

Missing Husband
 A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
 She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

[born to be wild]

Mark to his teacher: Sir my parents wanted me to tell you that they were really pleased with my last report
in parent teacher’s meeting.
Teacher: But I told them you were a complete idiot.
Mark: Yeah, it’s the first time that anyone in our family has been really good on something.

[born to be wild]

Три англичанина играют в преферанс. Вист - 10 фунтов. Один из них играет мизер, получает 4 взятки. Разрыв сердца, похороны, гроб несут его партнеры по последней пуле. Один другому:
- Сэр Джон, а вы знаете, если бы покойный сэр Вильям тогда зашел бы в пику, а не в бубну, то мы бы ему дали 6 взяток вместо
- И так неплохо получилось.

[Mari]

 

[asdfg]

Knock
Knock
Knock, knock
Knock, knock, knock
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock
Who's there?
Fibonacci

где смеяться ??

не Ваш уровень, извините!
P.S. "Интернет-поиск" освоили?  Тогда Google Вам в помощь) Слова пдсказки: просодия, числа Фибоначчи
P.P.S. Народ, как думаете, осилит наша freya? Болеем за нее!!!

[Freya]

Виски
Англия. Лондон. Раннее утро. Бар. Бармен за стойкой протирает стаканы. Вдруг сквозь стену входит человек, кидает на стойку монетку, выпивает стакан виски, закусывает стаканом и выходит в противоположную стену. Бармен, удивленно вскидывая бровь:
- Хм! Виски с утра?!

[Freya]

(Под впечатлением от английского юмора, решил придумать свою шутку, не судите строго, я волновался.)
Один парень сказал : "Я хочу купить все машины на свете". И как вы думаете, что ему ответил второй?? Он ответил : " А я не хочу".   Норм?   Смешно?     

не-а !