Military Humour

[DAS]

Hello Sarge

A recruit encountered a sergeant one morning. "Hello Sarge!" he exclaimed pleasantly.

The outraged sergeant launched an angry lecture on military courtesy and saluting. "Goodness," said the rookie, "If I'd known you were goin' to carry on like that, I wouldn't have spoken to you at all."

[Ann]

Weather Report

The division commander unexpectedly stepped into the barracks. A trembling orderly sprang to attention and in a thin voice said: "Good Morning, sir."

The division commander eyed the private for an age-long second. And then commented confidentially: "When I see you in the future I want a salute, not an inaccurate weather report!"

     Funny!

[DAS]

Weather Report

The division commander unexpectedly stepped into the barracks. A trembling orderly sprang to attention and in a thin voice said: "Good Morning, sir."

The division commander eyed the private for an age-long second. And then commented confidentially: "When I see you in the future I want a salute, not an inaccurate weather report!"

[Ann]

Operations Forecast

     The unit engineer reported to the unit commander:
     "Sir, the river crossing operation is more doomed to failure."
     "Why do you think so, Hamilton?"
     " When the unit column was moving to the crossing point the road was crossed by an ugly black cat."

[DAS]

A Little Late

Sergeant: "Now remember, lads. Drill at seven sharp in the morning!"

Recruit: "Righto, sergeant, but if I'm a little late don't wait for me, will you?"

[DAS]

Sunbathing

Sergeant Hard caught a soldier with a single button unfastened.

'Oh,' he sneered. 'Sunbathing, eh Private Brooks?'

[DAS]

     

Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

It reminded me of another story when supply sergeant explained to the soldiers that the army clothes came only in too sizes, too large and too small.

[Ann]

     

Repeat Performance

     "But, sergeant," complained the unhappy Army soldier at the clothing room of the reception Army centre. "These shoes you gave me don't match!"
     "That's funny," puzzled the sergeant. "You are the second person this morning who made the same complaint."
   

[DAS]

Injustice

Why is that the guy who has the least privacy of anybody else in the army is called a private?

[DAS]

Delayed

"Private, why are you late to fall in for the morning inspection parade?"

"I got delayed because I was shining my shoes for the parade, sergeant."

"And why are you shoes dirty?"

"Because I was in a hurry to fall in for the parade, sergeant."

[DAS]

An Enlistee

"So you want to join the Army. And what position would you like to have in the Army?"

"I would like to be CHief of Staff of a large unit, sir."

"Are you crazy, man?"

"Is it a necessary condition to hold that post sir?"

[DAS]

Nationality

When signing up for the englistment one man filled in the blank labeled "Nationality" as "Irish, and proud of it."

Another man, thought for a while and filled in: "Scotch, and fond of it."

[DAS]

The best of the stories I could find at the moment

      Two GIs, who are in the country for holidays, are walking in an orchard. They see that there are a lot of apples on all trees. Only on one tree there are no apples at all. A small country boy is sitting near that tree. They call him: “Come here, boy. Do you know why there are no apples on this tree?” “Of course I do,” answers the boy, “because it’s an oak-tree".

Haha! Imagine the look on their faces !

[Ann]

 

The best of the stories I could find at the moment

      Two GIs, who are in the country for holidays, are walking in an orchard. They see that there are a lot of apples on all trees. Only on one tree there are no apples at all. A small country boy is sitting near that tree. They call him: “Come here, boy. Do you know why there are no apples on this tree?” “Of course I do,” answers the boy, “because it’s an oak-tree".

[DAS]

A Catch

'In which branch of the Army would you like to serve?' questioned the recruiting officer.

'Are you kidding?' inquired the youth. 'You mean I can take my pick?'

'Yeah. Anything but the Women's Army Corps'

'I knew there was a catch in it!'