Psychology of Communication (Original)
1. Listen, Think and Reason with Yourself
The minds of people today are set into action by the way they feel. Not by logic or reason. People are now living on nerves, as never before, and their emotions are running high. When
our own emotions get a little out of control, we start to handle others with quickly chosen words and decisions emanating entirely out of the way we feel.
Let’s revers
e the procedure. Pitch your feeling out of the window. Listen, think and reason with yourself and get hold of the other fellow by the handle of the way he feels. Not by the way you feel. And you can handle him in the palm of your hand.
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When you look into a mirror, you can expect to see your face reflected in that mirror. The other person is always looking for himself to be reflected like a mirror: his dreams, his imagination and his point of view in some of the words he hears you say.
Between your remarks that have to be based upon logic, rules, regulations and instructions put in some phrases that will have a direct bearing upon his pride, feeling and emotions.
Then you will be surprised how quickly he will act. Think of how mad you can become quickly. Then think of how happy and jubilant you can become quickly. All is just because the right things happen at the right time.
Now you have a yardstick with which to measure the wide range of human feelings. And you can try to handle people by the way they feel.
2. A Concept of Ourselves
We have a lot of abilities sleeping deep down within us. The purpose should be to develop the abilities we have. We never discover more than 25 per cent, perhaps 30 per cent of our real abilities.
Many of us do not realize that the mind acts according to
its own conception of itself. If our own concept of ourselves is small, then we’ll do and have small things. On the other hand if we have a larger concept of ourselves we naturally will do bigger things and attract the better things of life.
3. What People Will Do and Will not Do
There are things that people will do and want to do. People will follow all habits. They will follow all slogans. They will repeat spectacular remarks as their own, because vanity is one of the cheap traits of people. They will work hard to establish superiority.
These are some of the things that people generally will not do. They will not look beyond their own self interest. Their first thought is “Where do I come in” or “Where will I gain?”
People will not accept changes willingly. It is considered that people are negative by nature. They will not fight for the issue if they can possibly fight against it.
People will not differ from the crowd, therefore the old saying “People follow like sheep” is true.
People will not accept themselves beyond the point of absolute necessity. And they will not act unless they are applauded.
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People like to feel that they are making decisions and doing things on their own judgment. If you want to make a little fellow do what you want him to do, try to give him the impression that he is doing it on his own judgment.
Approach him in this way. “Now Mr. Borman, I have an idea I want to explain to you. In all probability you already know about it and have long ago forgotten about it. But this is the idea”. Then start to explain it. The little fellow will listen to you real well. You flattered him by first telling him that he probably has already thought about it, used it or knew about it before.
Now he will be more susceptible and you can hope that he will listen to you and will do what you want him to do.
4. How to Handle an Argument
Let the other fellow do most of the talking. Let him give his say first. While listening never show you don’t agree. It will destroy your chance to persuade.
In the very beginning ask questions instead of talking too much. Asking questions in the first part of an argument forces your opponent to disclose main defense. If you ask you can handle people.
When listening, do it this way: drop everything, don’t write don’t direct someone or look out of the window. Lean forward slightly. Look strait at the speaker. And listen with the sparkle in your eye. As though you might be thinking, “Gee! This is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard in my life!”
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Such an audience will be so flattering that the other fellow will think to himself: “My! Isn’t he a nice fellow?” or “Isn’t she lovely?” There is nothing you can ever do that will make a person like you more than to listen intently to what he has to say.
When the other fellow finishes and you begin to talk you’ll be surprised at how quickly he will listen intently to you, imitating what you have just done. Instinctively he wants to reply to you the nice compliment you’re just paid to him.
Let’s see what has happened to you in a few fleeting seconds. Firstly you made somebody like you by listening intently to him. Secondly, while he was talking you were able to select just the right words to use back. You’ll avoid sticking your neck out and jumping at conclusions. Thirdly, you prepared for yourself an unprejudiced receptive, kind and open-minded audience.
This is one of the most important requisites for the successful handling of people.
5. Losing attention and cooperation
When you see a man’s eyes wandering and his attention sleeping it means that you have forgotten to consider his interests.
Or you formulated your speech in a disconnected manner and didn’t gather up the pieces of your remarks and didn’t put them together.
If you don’t consider the interests of the other fellow and didn’t put together the remarks of your speech you’ll lose his attention, you’ll never be able to handle the other fellow.
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Most people are good at the job they can do alone. Few are successful in doing a good job and working with other people. Yet the progress of great men has been made by their ability to work in cooperation with others.
In conversation with others discuss the things upon which you and the other fellow are in agreement, avoid to the very last discussing things upon which you do not agree. Make a mountain out of things upon which you agree. And a mole-hill of the things upon which you do not agree.
If we do it otherwise, we encourage a ‘no’ response. Once a person declares a ‘no’, his pride demands that he remains consistent. We immediately find ourselves at a disadvantage. As long as you can keep ‘yes’, the response will be positive.
6. Keep in Step with Your Listener
If you want to get a point across to your listener, it’s necessary to keep in step with his mind.
If we approach people or they approach us, many times their minds are running in a direction, different from that of our own.
If you approach a man from one direction while his mind is going on an opposite direction, a clash of minds usually results. The other person will find it difficult to understand you and synchronize the speed of his mind with yours.
The solution is in your hands. Your problem is to match the other fellow and try to figure out what he is thinking, taking into consideration his appearance, actions, looks and by all means his words. Then as you present your point of view or your problem you may hope you’ll be a success. If we fail to get in step with the listener’s mind we won’t get what we want.
7. Taking the Sting out of Criticism
When we analyse or criticize the other fellow, we look at the matter through the eyes of logic and reason. However, human acts are usually committed through the dictation of feelings and emotions than through logic and reason.
When you criticize, try to take the sting out of criticism. Suppose you deal with someone, working on a specific operation. The person may be naïve on the job and may not be doing it exactly as it should be done. You don’t want to discourage the person altogether and you may say something like this: ’’I believe you have a definite talent for this job and
I believe you will be able to do it really well next time’’.
When we approach a person in this manner, we’ve taken the sting out of criticism by including a compliment in the first part of our criticism.
Thus, we may hope the person will not be discouraged and next time will do the job better.
8. Just Get a Nose ahead
Many people think there is a big difference in the abilities of the man, who is more outstanding than the other fellow of ordinary abilities. Such a conviction is discouraging. Here is an example.
The winner in a horse race that came in second made only three thousand dollars. The winner made five times more money. It doesn’t mean however, that he could run around that track five times faster. He struggled the whole distance to get just a nose ahead.
So it is with people. The other fellow is not years or miles ahead of you, but perhaps just a nose ahead.
It is said that one out of one thousand people today actually earns nine-tenth of the world’s money, championships, the applause and promotion. It doesn’t mean that he is a superman. It means that he does a better job in handling people. Don’t get discouraged, just get a nose ahead.
9. You are Worth Half a Million
At birth you inherited half a million. Not dollars, but hours. You alone have absolute control over the investment of this half a million. You wouldn’t think of throwing ten dollar bills in the gutter and watching them being washed away. But, how about the indifferent careless waste of twenty five per cent and sometimes fifty per cent of our time, just because we have never learnt how to invest it.
The spending of your time should be handled with good common sense. If you lay your opportunity away, you’ll find it crumbled into pieces.
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Doing the small mediocre things in life is the greatest tragedy that could ever happen in people’s life.
“I bargain with life for a penny. But life would pay no more”- A poet said in his famous poem.
Make your bargain for something really big and worthwhile. Take the whole of your job with the grip and tenacity of purpose. Do what is really big and worthwhile.
You know yourself better than all the other people in the whole world put together. In moments of meditation a man sits alone and thinks seriously. “Am I any better off now than I was five years ago? How about the next five years?“ Here alone a man does not fool himself. Ralph Wardo Emerson said: “Alone a man is sincere. Then upon the approach of another party, the hypocrisy begins.”
There is no power in the whole world that can lift you higher and hold you longer than your own enthusiasm, self-confidence and faith in yourself. If it is backed by persistency, faith in your own ability and hard work, you are going to be a winner. And if you learn the art of handling people, you’ll be happy yourself and make other people happy too.
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