Тонкий английский юмор

[DAЛ$]

А во вторую смену там работает кассир Король Артур

[Arsenovna]

Бейкер-Стрит, 221 Б

/* Дом превосходный. МЫ его потянем? */

- Миссис Хадсон - владелица, дает мне большую скидку. Услуга за услугу. Ее мужа приговорили к смерти три года назад во Флориде. Мне удалось помочь ей.
- То есть вы ее мужа спасли от казни?
- Напротив, ускорил ее.

[Mari]

Да, первая серия уже была  никакой. А мы её так ждали(

[DAS]

Да. Это точно.

Mari, я рад, что вы разделяете мою точку  зрения)

[Mari]

Да, но четвертый сезон немного подкачал, на мой взгляд.

Да. Это точно.

[DAS]

Очень полюбился мне этот сериал с этими английскими шуточками, а сначала вообще никак не принимала нового Шерлока)) все-таки есть в нем что-то эдакое!

Да, но четвертый сезон немного подкачал, на мой взгляд.

[Arsenovna]

Очень полюбился мне этот сериал с этими английскими шуточками, а сначала вообще никак не принимала нового Шерлока)) все-таки есть в нем что-то эдакое!

[DAS]

Знаменитый английский юмор

"С домом все в порядке, миссис Хадсон, если не считать мертвого серийного убийцу на втором этаже - хорошие новости для Лондона, плохие - для вашего коврика.".© Sherlock

Ох уж этот "тонкий английский юмор" 

[DAЛ$]

Знаменитый английский юмор

"С домом все в порядке, миссис Хадсон, если не считать мертвого серийного убийцу на втором этаже - хорошие новости для Лондона, плохие - для вашего коврика.".© Sherlock

[born to be wild]

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.

15 minutes looking for assignment.

11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.

23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.

8 minutes in the bathroom.

10 minutes getting a snack.

7 minutes checking the TV Guide.

6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.

10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

[DAS]

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK, no problem.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

[born to be wild]

Reward for goodness

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.

To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.

To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.

To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
 

[DAЛ$]

[Arsenovna]

IDK шутка года 

[DAS]

True love lasts forever

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’