Short texts for reading

[Даша]

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

[Даша]

Очень милый анекдот)))

Девушка: Вы были бы хорошим танцором, если бы не две вещи!
Мальчик: Какие две вещи?
Девушка: Ваши две ноги!

 

[Andy]

О чём эта история, переведите, пожалуйста)

[Даша]

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

[Tessa]

An English teacher wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate so that it made sense.
The boys wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.'
The girls wrote: 'Woman!  Without her, man is nothing.'

[Tessa]

     Даша, я заинтересовалась рассказом про American farmer. Может, переведете, потому что не все поняла?

Граматико-переводной метод - один из методов, которые входят в комплексный подход обучения английскому языку в Школе-ВУЗе. Поэтому главное - тренироваться самим, а мы подскажем. Попробуйте!

[О.М.]

     Даша, я заинтересовалась рассказом про American farmer. Может, переведете, потому что не все поняла? 

[Даша]

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it? 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'  The third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

[Andy]

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, ?…"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

[yemi]

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were named Emily, Maggie and Rose.

After approximately 14 hours, Emily staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, Maggie crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, Rose finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, 'I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.'

You got me right there Dasha! That means men have little or no chances at all of winning when it comes to Breaststroke! Buya!!!

[Даша]

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were named Emily, Maggie and Rose.

After approximately 14 hours, Emily staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, Maggie crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, Rose finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, 'I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.' 

[Даша]

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

[Tessa]

Just picked one randomly which was slang-free))

another one in the theme))

Jim was speeding along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Eric?" Jim asked. "Well didn't you know, Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Eric. "Ah, praise God!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

[Andy]

very strange to see a man who publishes feminist tales  )))

Just picked one randomly which was slang-free))

[Andy]

Math, Physics, & Philosophy
Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

Вообще жара, прочитайте обязательно))